...you are my forever hope.

As I go to begin this post, I want to cry. I am not an emotional person and no tears seem to be forming in my eyes but my heart yearns for God. As days have gone by, I have said oh I'll do it tomorrow...I wake up the next morning, hitting the snooze button 20 times and now time is up, gotta get ready quick and get to work. I know I am much more awake and focused at night, no time frame to work under nor distractions of the day. Evenings come as a time of reflection, both behind and forward. But I have been doing this while laying in bed watching tv. I'm sad because in the craziness of changing living circumstances, my daily routines got off. A normal work week hasn't existed for weeks and therefore the ebb and flow of changes has forced different sleep patterns. I have no real excuse other than the extreme desire to return to God, on my knees in confession that I have placed other things ahead of Him in my life these last few weeks and have sensed felt alone in many ways.

Because I haven't been focused, it has been a bit hard to get focused tonight. But I did open up my bible and chose to read John 3. It seems to be coming up lately and I wanted to read through, a bit slower and really try to understand what Jesus was trying to explain to Nicodemus. I believe the first 21 versus of John 3 are illustrations of those who are in the darkness of this world and Jesus paints us a beautiful picture of exactly how to "preach the gospel" in a sense using illustrations from the real world.

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." -John 3:8

"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not coming into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." -John 3:19-20

And in the middle of those versus is the all time favorite, John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." It is so simple. God loves us. God wants to be with us. God desires all of us. So the question that comes to mind is, do I really love God? Do I want to be withHim every minute of every day and is how I'm living reflecting that? Do I desire all of God, walking daily with him trying to be like him? At this point in time, I'm not sure I would like the answer to these questions. This is exactly why I want to cry.

So a couple days ago, I posted these questions in my blog as one's that I thought were a great start in getting my focus back on where it needs to be. My desire is to answer these as openly and honestly as I can at this very moment, so that I can see just where I am and ask God to help me fully return to Him in all the ways He desires.

Are you ready to be with Me alone on a regular basis to keep things straight between us? Yes God, I am ready. May every night, before bed be a time where You and I can communion together. May I be able to see the importance of taking this time to be with you so that we can keep things straight between us. Jesus, tonight I come to you down on my knees begging for your forgiveness for I know how far I seem to have run. I no longer want to walk on my own path Jesus but I want to return to the road you have for me, the perfect straight one, the one where you are.
How can your prayer life be different so we can communicate on a regular basis? Jesus, I believe that if I am able to turn off all the distractions and really focus in on this special time with you, it will be meaningful and different that it has been. Jesus I pray you would protect the evening time, that when something comes up you would remind me of my priorities and that I would show how much I do love you in my obedience to this promise. Hold me accountable Jesus to your standards so that we can continue to build on the relationship that we have.
Are you actively seeking My guidance through spending time in My Holy Word? Lately, no I have not. I feel as though I have been seeking every other avenue except your Word for how I am to walk each step I've taken. Help me to focus my thoughts on you not just during my prayer time but through every step of my day. May more time in Your Word with mediation on versus help me to secure Your Word in my heart so that I am able to recall it quicker in times of need.
Do you sense God's unconditional love for you today? As I write out these responses and really think about John 3:16, I know you love me. But I don't think I realize just how much you do. I can repeat it over and over that you died on the cross for me, but my prayer to you tonight is to help make that real for me. I believe, entering the Christmas season is a great opportunity to take the time to remember exactly why you were born.

As I ponder the reason of your birth and what happened during those early days of Your life, I can't help but recall the beautiful lyrics to the song by Keith&Kristyn Getty called Fullness of Grace...

Fullness of grace in man's human frailty;

This is the wonder of Jesus.

Laying aside His power and glory

Humbly He entered our world.

Chose the path of meanest worth;

Scandal of a virgin's birth.

Born in a stable cold and rejected;

Here lies the hope of the world.

 

Jesus, you are the hope of this world, and you are my forever hope. My hope doesn't lie in my job or house or money, no my hope is in You. Help me Jesus to live my life in obedience to that very statement. Jesus, continue to direct my days that that in all that is accomplished, you may receive all the glory and honor and praise.

 

It is in your Holy and Mighty name I pray,

Amen