Monday, February 28, 2011

Colossians 1:10-16

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers of authorities; all things were created by him and for him." -Colossians 1:10-16

Thursday, February 24, 2011

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9b-10

So it has been a little just over a week since I have written and I have absolutely no excuse. I will say, when it comes to news regarding ministry overseas, nothing more has happened. I emailed back the family that was communicating with me and the husband is working with his calendar to get all their travel and speaking engagements in place and then will let me know when they can meet. I have also not put aside the other couple who is also returning to Romania in March. I still pray that God will continue to direct His ways through me. And ultimately, I do not know if I am going, or I should say when I am going, until I am on a plane. Until then, I continue to wait.

In my reading this morning, the verses above really caught my attention. I began a new year of coaching swim this monday and have given it to the Lord. Each day is a gift that I give the opportunity to reach out and teach these athletes what it means to be a swimmer. But this life is more than the amount of strokes to the wall, how many breaths you take, and how many practices you make. With that released to the Lord, I am so excited to go to the pool each and every day. I pray that in my weaknesses they can see Christ rising up in me and I pray that will open some doors for conversations. I pray for boldness and guidance as well as words.

Father God,

What a great, big, mighty, powerful God you are! I praise you for all you are doing in and through me. I lift my hands in praise for the healing of little Ema post surgery! What a strength that little child has that is being shown to all the nurses and doctors that surround her care. Father I continue to lift her and Janelle up to you, protect them, give them rest and comfort as well as peace for the coming day when they return home. Father I thank you for the gift of fellowship and the exciting milestones we get to share with eachother. Jesus I continue to surrender my attitude as far as the swimmers go. You know how many souls enter that pool deck each and every day that do not know who you are. Help me to bold yet kind.

I love you. I am praising You now and will forever! You are the great I AM and I look to You to guide my ways each moment of each day you grant me here on this Earth. I work on this ground for the sacrifice to the gospel and ultimately to You, knowing that one day I will be raised up to heaven and be with You always.

I praise You in the name of Jesus,

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A response!

"With regard to serving there (Romania), yes there is a need! Yes, children's ministry is a need. Yes, your heart, desire, and gifts from God could be used in the ministry there." -possibly missionary partner

I don't have time at the moment to expand but I wanted to share this little bit. It is a quote I received from an email response this morning asking if my gifts and abilities could be used with their family and mission goals. I'm excited to see what God will do with this connection. They are currently in San Diego raising support to return to Romania. I have not connected with them more than this one email but I'm very hopeful that God will either open or shut the door quickly... at least that is my prayer!
(posted at 1:21pm)

I'm exhausted! Today I was once again confronted and filled with such frustration. But then two good phone calls later and I have completely forgotten about the bad conversation. I truely believe God was telling me to stop dwelling on the negative. This life is filled with one rule, to love Jesus with all your heart. And the email that followed the one above was icing on the cake. Even though a small part of me wants to just stay here, I know I must follow Jesus and His calling for me until He tells me to stop. I will follow through with maybe some summer training and then possibly go,  according to their schedule the end of this year (2011) or beginning of 2012. I will wait to meet with them and then make any "final" decisions. However, none off them are truely final until tickets are bought and I am physically on a plane heading there.


You know me better than I know myself. You know how much I desire children to seek and find Your love. Through the relationships I am able to build with these children, I can then begin to share just how much You love us and want to live in our hearts. Thank you for living in my heart, for giving me the words to say and the actions to do at all times. I praise You for the love You give through your children. What a joy it is to serve you! Father as I lay my head down on my pillow tonight, I pray for all the adventures that are soon to begin in the coming days, weeks, months and years. What an exciting time You have before me and I pray I continue to keep my eyes fixed on You. For when I turn to You, You have the most perfect plan I could never ever imagine!

Father I look up at the title I gave to this post earlier today in regards to the email I had received. But as I think of the other two positive conversations I realize that through those responses You have shed a whole new layer of trust, faith and hope! When I seek You with all my heart, there I will find You. You gave me responses today that I could have never possibly prayed for. They were perfect gifts that I will cherish forever. If I fall down, may I refer back to this very post and sence Your presence and strength as much as I do right now.

I love You Jesus. I thank You for every good and perfect gift, for they all come from You.

In Your name I pray,
(posted at 10:54pm)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Love Day

I have a really hard time debated between which day of the week is my favorite. Each one brings so much joy, I have a feelin' it is because I see God in everything I do. What a difference in my attitude when I purposely choose to see through God's eyes. Instead of getting frustrated, I stop and try to look at the situation through the other person's eyes. Then I look to Jesus and ask, "what do I do?". But Sundays and Mondays are extra special. Nothing, in my opinion, shows God's love more than a child. The little things 3 year olds say or actions they repeat, I just lift my eyes to Jesus and tell Him thank you! Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world!

Today I also received a couple new ideas, as far as missionary work that continues to open my eyes to see God working. First was an opportunity to connect with a doctor and help run clinics south of the border. If you don't know me very well, my next passion after children is medicine. I grew up wanting to be a doctor, taking care of any sick person I came in contact with, attempting to figure out a cure for anything, even a cough, as well as watching every single medical show I could possible watch. If they had more drama than medicine, it lost my attention. So as I look at this opportunity, it just gets me excited. I also was connected with another missionary family who are planning to go to Romania the end of this year for the first time. I have contacted them and awaiting a response as to what God has for me through their ministry. Many options have been presented and I have absolutely no answers on any of them. Sometimes I feel like an answer is better than no answer but God's will not mine...

My friends who actually read this- I apologize for not connecting better with each of you. I feel completely out of the world at the moment and just can't seem to contact anyone. It is not that I don't have time, and I really don't have an excuse, other than I am truely spending each possible moment I can with God to hear His voice and listen.

Father God,

What a great and mighty God you are. At the very beginning you created the heavens and the earth, you worked for 6 days creating your perfect world and then you took a day to rest. I rest tonight in your arms. Hold me close, so close that I can feel your heart, there is no place I'd rather be. As I see more and more options coming before me, I get more and more excited for the possibilities and the ultimate will you have for me. Keep my eyes focused on You always. My prayer tonight is for me to lay at your feet all the different possibilities you have placed before me. As you see fit, I pray that you would continue to work out all the details so that Your perfect plan and will come forth to happen. I call upon your strength, your power, your wisdom and your patience to see this plan unfold through eyes focused on You.

Thank you for this amazing day full of love. A day that was not spent on the commerical aspect, but on the true focus on this life, which is Love. I am so grateful to You for the amount of love just one child can spread and I am so thankful for the children of this world. Father may Love be not something that is thought of only once a year, but everyday. For love is the center of our focus for when we love you we in turn love others. It is all about love! And I most certainly whole-heartedly LOVE You!

I pray all these things in Your son Jesus Christ's name,

The Discipline of Hearing

"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops." -Matthew 10:27

Sometimes God puts us through the experience and discipline of darkness to teach us to hear and obey Him. Pay attention when God puts you into darkness, and keep your mouth closed while you are there. Are you in the dark right now in your circumstances or in your life with God? If so, then remain quiet. Darkness is the time to listen. Don't talk to other people about it; don't read books to find out the reaon for the darkness; just listen and obey. -Chambers, Feb 14th

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Jesus' last words to His followers

Therefore (I stop and see what it is there for and then proceed…) go. I stop there. What was revealed tonight as a missionary spoke was this last passage in Matthew 28 was the last words Jesus said to his disciples before He returned to Heaven. To quote Brooks Buser, "it wasn’t a last sermon on family, or the church or the whole explanation of salvation (of which He could have done), no it was";
Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshipped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
The very last thing that Jesus told his disciples to do before He returned to Heaven was to GO and make disciples of all nations. If you haven’t noticed I haven’t wrote in the last few days. I’ve been taken a lot in, processing, and letting it go. Today was a particularly hard day as I fought to contain thoughts in my heads that if they were expressed would not express the ultimate love I have for Jesus Christ. I fought those words, actions and emotions and turned to Jesus. I prayed. I then went back to church tonight, raised my hands in worship to the One True God that is Alive! Our God is alive in Heaven! And that God lives in my heart. And it’s the power He has dwelling in my heart, mind and soul that gets me up each and every day to literally fight for His name. Today, I haven’t heard such hurtful words come at me in a long time. My heart was torn in two by this afternoon that I just couldn’t talk to anyway, afraid more hurt may come. But I surveyed the day, the little amount I suffered and realized it is absolutely nothing compared to what Jesus endured through His life.
I know I am commanded by my Lord Jesus Christ, with the power of His Holy Spirit inside of me that I now must fasten the belt of truth, lay over my chest the breastplate of righteousness, cloth my feet with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. I also must take up my shield of faith, put on the helmet of salvation, and go out and fight with the sword of the Spirit always ready. My God is amazing and blesses me with each one of these pieces of protection so that we together can fight this fight.
Tonight was a beautiful reaffirmation of the work Jesus Christ is doing which is not in vain. I will keep pushing forward, not allowing the enemy to advance.
Jesus Christ,
Thank you for the reminder of just what it takes to be a follower of You. It saddens me that words came from my own brothers and sisters in You, but I know that with Your spirit and truth, You will heal my heart and renew it as well as those who may be hurting. What a moment it was to have gone through the past couple of days and finally get the chance to be surrounded by my church family with our hearts and arms raised toward You. Thank you for your persistence and abounding love you have for each and every one of us, the amazing grace that flows down, allowing us to see the ugliness of our sins washed away when we come to You for repentance. Father I desire to obey your command to reach the people who do not know who you are, to get the opportunity to use my gifts and see Your name be lifted in praise as it was tonight. With your guiding hand, I am excited all over again for just the possibility that You may have a place oversees for me to go and share the Love you have for each of us as children of the Most Holy. Continue to place all the pieces together so that I and everyone else can look at Your hand and see that it was all You who put the pieces of the puzzle together one by one. Thank You for the people You have brought alongside to educate and encourage me. When I hear your voice, it makes all the ugliness that had happened fade away as I ultimate live to please You and give you my life each and every day.
Here it is Father, take all of me, and do with it as You will.
In Your name I pray forever and ever,

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Speak to me O Lord

"All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name." - Acts 10:43

I was reading through, beginning with Acts 10:9 through verse 48. It begins with Peter up on a rooftop praying to God. He then see's a vision. After the vision, God reaffirms to Peter to do what was not normal by sending someone to get him. He goes there, not knowing what God is doing but just obeys. God uses him to testify to Cornelius and all the men about Jesus, Peter basically gives them them the invitation to accept the gift of salvation. Peter had no idea what God wanted for him, but he saw the vision and He obeyed, no questions asked, and God used him in a beautiful way.

God gave me a vision, and He has reaffirmed over and over that He has a mission for me as he did for Peter. I solely must obey. I believe this whole process really stood out to me as I reflect on the day. I spoke with my friend who told me she had communicated with the couple that oversee's the organization that ministers to Romania. They will be coming to San Diego mid-March and I will hopefully get a chance to meet with them then and see if they could use me in their ministry. With an open heart, God can use whatever He choses to speak to us. I don't believe that the passage I read tonight was an accident, even though I just opened the bible and thought, Acts sounds good. If I'm willing, God can take a piece of His living Word and reveal something to me.


I come before You tonight in complete reverance for who you are. You live in my heart, you guide my life, you convict me of sin, but this life is not about me. It is about You. Father help me to live as though You are the only thing that matter. That your ministry is what drives my life, that your heart and plan is what directs my life. May the Holy Spirit be fully alive in me.

I want to lift up to you the possibility of going to Romania and serving on the missionary field. If it is your will Father I pray you make all the arrangements, aline all the finances and prepare all the way for it to happen. I must continually and vocally give it over to You so  that I do not take any credit for it. I know that You have a plan, that I am only a tool as You tend  to your garden and I want to make sure that what I have been designed to do is what I'm doing. If I'm made to dig holes help me to stay focused on that and the calling you have for my life. Father helped me to keep my eyes fixed on you, for you tell us to not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of its own. You will care for those worries, I must stay focused on You. I give it over to You, I will continue to be a tool wherever you take me and whatever you have me to do. Until you have me move, I pray you keep my heart and soul focused on the work you have before me. Whether it be at the church or with those I will soon get the opportunity to coach and minister to, I pray that you would be with me now just as you have been so faithful to be in the past. May I not get caught up in the thoughts and planning of what could happen but allow you to worry about that and we stay focused on the hear and now.

My life is in your hands. I love you Jesus.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Rake or Shovel, what are you?

I heard this metaphor today through the sermon I was listening to and I wanted to share... and I promise there is relevance.

God is a gardener, and the church is the garden in the middle of the city. And if you walked into a beautiful garden, you look around and lets say in the corner you see a rake and you see a shovel. Would it be weird if there were teams of people that were fighting over which was the better instrument, and the most effective for the garden, and taking credit for what was done in the garden and meanwhile no one is walking around the garden or nobody says hi to the gardener, that's what can happen in the church. People walk into the church and they don't see the beautiful garden that God is working on, pulling weeds, planting seeds, changing lives...and they don't look at the gardener and say what an amazing gardener you are Jesus, instead they walk into the church and say I like the shovel. I'm all about the shovel (this can be style of worship, song choices, legnth of sermon, how the preacher preaches, the events, the ministries, etc). The other guy says I like the rake, so the guy with the shovel hits the guy with the rake and all of the sudden you have a church split. Now you got two kinds of denominations within this church, the rakists, and the shovelists. Hello, you guys missed the gardener and the garden.

We are tools working in the hands of Jesus, all Christians are tools in the hands of Jesus. I'm a shovel; I'm a rake...Jesus is just using us to turn over soil, pull weeds, and plant seeds and people become Christians and they grow and then they bear fruit and its beautiful what Jesus does. Who cares if it was the rake or the shovel that got the job done, the question is how is the garden doing? And is anyone saying thanks to the gardener?... It is such a glorious thing to be a shovel in the hands of Jesus. Jesus gave His live away. a giver not a taker. Humble not proud. What better thing to be working on than the Kingdom of God, and what better person to be used by than Jesus Christ.
-Mark Driscoll, 1st Corinthians series, Servants like Jesus

Thoughts? I absolutely love visuals. God gives me them every great once in awhile to help explain something I just don't get. I remember quite vividly my rose visual. I saw my heart as a beautiful rose. And when God took away my job and relationship, I felt the petals begin to fall. My heart hurt, it felt as if it was breaking, like the petals slowly coming off and falling to the ground and withering away. But what God showed me was as the layers of stuff and jobs, and other people were stripped away, the core, the bud of the flower was Jesus. It was that bud that is the core of my being and when I found it and recognized it, the flower began to grow back and it was even more beautiful than the one before. Sometimes it take stripping us bare before we see God. This visual that Pastor Mark creates of being an instrument of God's working through His hands to create a beautiful garden. There is not just one tool that gets the job done, He needs many and He uses us in different ways, at different times, to fullfill different purposes. But the end result is the same, a beautiful, well taken care of, garden.

We are a team, we have gifts and talents that God has given us with a plan to use those gifts and talents, but we have to be willing. I am a shovel and I must put aside all desires to want to be a rake so that God can use me for the purposes He has made for me, the shovel. I am not made to pour water, to pound the dirt, I am made to dig it up. God has a plan for my life. It is not like any other plan for any one else's life. I am my own tool. I must be willing to be used by the very hands of God to help create the masterpiece of the garden that He is working on. And I must take the time to stop, admire the garden and praise the gardener for the amazing work He is doing.


What an amazing garden you have created and thought out perfectly, down to the very minut detail. Every flower chosen, every seed planted, every tool that is used is pefectly fitted for the beauty and work that you have laid before it. Thank you for the visual of seeing You as the creator and care-taker of a beautiful garden, the church. And thank you for the garden that is producing such beautiful plants and flowers. Help me to stay focused on the specific job you have for me as the shovel. And help me to not desire the job of some other tool that would only slow down the process of tending to the garden. Father use me as I was created to be used and help guide me. What a joy it is to be a tool in the very hand of the best gardener ever!

Thank you for allowing me to see the fruit of the harvest. For giving me amazing tools to work beside so that we can work together to care for the garden. Help me to have patience as you take the time to use other tools for the jobs they were created and purposed to fullfill. Thank you again for this beautiful visual and the joy I have in being a tool used in the hands of Jesus.


"The man who plants and the man who waters has one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. For we are God's fellow workers." -Driscoll

Monday, February 7, 2011

Too Comfortable?

"Are you willing to say to God that He can have whatever He wants? Do you believe that wholehearted commitment to Him is more important than any other thing or person in your life? Do you know that nothing you do in this life will ever matter, unless it is about loving God and loving the people He has made." -Chan, p. 97

I get this vision, with eyes that reach far beyond what I can humanly imagine, I see hope, faith coming alive, more people knowing the truth. As I watched and listened to God work in the quiet, I saw just how alive He is. But now I sit in the unknown. I felt as though the momentum was moving forward. All of the sudden the wind has decided to switch directions on me. God and I are still moving forward, I never doubt that in a second. And with His strength we will endure and overcome the mighty winds. But we've been slowed down to a walk. That wind is the opposition. I now must endure every possible gust in order to stay on track. I will not give up. God I am on Your side, I will do this for You, because my life is Yours.

Our greatest fear should be succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.
Having faith often means dong what others see as crazy. Something is wrong when our lives makes sense to unbelievers.
We have to do things that cost us during our life on earth but will be more than worth it in Eternity.
But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.

I hear the opposition, but God's voice rings through louder. I take those quotes above from Francis Chan's book Crazy Love, and cling to the desire to see God come through. If I live my life comfortable I will never see God. It is when I surrender completely at my lowest of lows, when I finally give up trying that I see God coming through. Why do I have to wait for every deep dark depressive valley to see God? I don't... but I must step out in faith. I'm surrounded by people who just don't understand me. I'm crazy, I say it all the time, but I don't want to just say I love Jesus everyday, I want to show it. I don't want to have to tell someone that I act the way I do because of Jesus, I act the way I do because Jesus is in me, He's not just God, He's my Savior, my redeemer, and my best friend. When he calls me to do something how can I tell my best friend who knows me perfectly down to the last detail as well as my entire life better than I know my own, "I don't think that is a good idea, it's quite risky, I mean come on God, I could die!" Uh no! I will die in a second if that's what it takes to show the power of Jesus inside me. Would you?


I don't want to be comfortable. I want to live a life that is so completely in love and passionate for You that it just doesn't make sense. Jesus stay near, allow me to continue to see Your plan come alive. It is such a thrill to see you piece together the different possibilities and I sit back in awe of who You are. Father I desire to see you come through, I don't want to go to somewhere that's comfortable. Home is comfortable. Why go somewhere and have the same comforts as I do here? I want to see you prove faithful each and every day with absolutely no ability on my own to do it. May all the glory and honor go to You always and forever. Father take this prayer, mold my heart and mind to Your will so that we can, hand and hand, fight the opposition and win this battle. For the ultimate prize is ahead, the gold streets of heaven and may my life on Earth prove faithful knowing that my ultimate reward is in You.
I love you Jesus, it is an honor to serve You every moment of my life.

It is in Your name I pray,

I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death. Philippeans 3:10

Sunday, February 6, 2011

fixin' my eyes on You

Pastor Jeremiah preached on the "Super Bowl of the Bible", David and Goliath, from 1 Samuel 17:1-51

Three lessons from this story:
1. Confront your problems.    
2. Cherish your victories.     
3. Concentrate on your goals.

Confront your problems: My problem(s); Am I fully sacrificing myself to God? I say it over and over, I am totally willing to just up and go. It would be so much easier to go tomorrow, because then there would be a lot less details to have to figure out. But God doesn't exactly work that way, or at least I don't feel as if He is here. He's stretching me by making me wait. Secondly, it's been quite frustrated hearing this calling and realizing more and more that getting to be a wife and mom will mostly likely get put aside. My hearts desire is to serve my family and right now, God is calling me to serve my brothers and sisters. So once again, He's stretching me by making me wait. I'm not sure it is any easier to understand the purpose and still see the problem(s). As the days go by, the amount of work, the unknown is eating me alive. I am so incredibly frustrated inside because of the unknown. Once again, I find myself in the bottom of the well, waiting as Joseph did for someone to come along and pull him out. He prayed to God for his brothers to come back, and that is totally my prayer. But in Joseph's story, they didn't exactly come back and rescue him, they came and sold him. And God used that in a much bigger way than Joseph could have ever imagined.

So right now, I sit in that well. Praying to God knowing that there is a much bigger, better plan than what I can even see or imagine. My prayer is for God to show me exactly what I need to do, show me the timeline of when it needs to be done and the goal I'm working towards. Unfortunately, using Joseph's story, I got nothing right now. The goal I have, as a missionary, may be the complete opposite of what God has in store for me. Whatever it is, I want to be just like Joseph. I want to go and serve God wherever He takes me. I want to show God's love through service, whether here at home or away.


I turn to You now as the one who knows all. You hold eternity in your hand. You see me right where I am, as a purified child of your's in the brokenness and confused state I'm in. I know nothing, yet you know everything. You see in one snapshot my entire life playing out as if it is a 30 second Super Bowl commerical. Laughter, joy, satisfaction, wants and desires, all wrapped up into a life. You give me only what I need, You take from me all that I have and am so that I fully trust in You. Let me surrender it all over to You. I come kneeling at the cross, laying down all that I am. You have been so faithful with my life and even though I have a checklist of things that I want you to accomplish so I can check them off, I realize we may not have the same checklist. Father the wants and problems I face are no surprise to You. You have the perfect checklist and use the problems I see as stepping stones to the next greater thing you have for me. Allow me to sit at the bottom of the well completely content with Your presence and love. Focus my thoughts on You and not on the future.

Jesus you know the pain that dwells inside my soul as we really try to work through everything. In my eyes, dropping everything and going to the missions field seems like a problem. My humanity see's the finances, the hurts, the goodbyes, the details, and can't imagine it being done. But through God's eyes, I see possibility. I see provision, a plane, and life-giving service. I see people coming to know You. Father give me your eyes so that I may be uncomfortable when I try to look through my human eyes. If I look to You Jesus I know that You will guide me as if I were blind. Jesus I'm fixin' my eyes on You!

In your name Jesus I pray,

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Today, I am a doormat

Are you ready to be poured out as an offering?

Yes, and if I am being out as a drink offering on the sacrifice and service your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. -Philippians 2:17

"It is one thing to follow God's way of service if you are regarded as a hero, but quite another thing if the road marked out for you by God requires becoming a "doormat" under other people's feet. Are you ready to be sacrified like that? Are you willing to give and be poured out until you ae used up and exhausted- not seeking to be ministered to, but to minister?" - Chambers, Feb 5th

That is an incredibly tough question. I know how much I need communication with family and friends, I say all the time, I just need my "friend time" and I'll be better. But the statement above takes out everything but God. Me, uprooting my life, would mean no more "friend time" to get me through my day. I must depend completely on the Lord. I believe He is testing me in that right now, knowing I can, and I see myself and say I can't. He wants me to admit that He is enough for me. And deep down I know He is, but for some reason my humanity can't wrap my mind around it. I desperately just want time to sit down and talk to a friend. It's the, God isn't enough thing, and so I must unload on someone because they can give me instant reccommendation. I don't have to wait on God for an answer, a friend has always had one. Today, I turn back to God, I will spend time with friends and not expect them to listen. I will listen, I will encourage, I will pour out, and I will turn to the Lord and ask Him to fill me up. Father God fill me now with your spirit, with your love and mercy so that I can encourage those around me.

I have everything I need in you, I will wait for you to answer, for you to guide and allow my body, mind and words to be a tool that You can use to encourage others. Allow me to be a doormat today, as hard as it will be, to completely give of myself to others as a sacrifice to You.

Sidenote- Patience pays off. A small testiment to the will of God for my life. If I can be patient with the little things, I can be patient with the bigger things (at least I hope!). So God, what do I do? Oh no, I have to wait...

First, I apologize for the randomness of today. There is a reason when I started this that I only posted at night. The day has happened and I can now reflect back on what I learned. Today you got a jumbled mess of three completely different thoughts. I have colored coated for you. So, in summary, God is the most amazing, fullfilling, friend ever. He uses us as humans to encourage, love and pursue through the love that He gives us initially. We cannot encourage others until God has filled us up first. I also was reminded of how exciting this life is. Every day is something new and different. Every day is a gift from God. Every breath is a miracle! Think about what it takes to make your body work, to the miles of blood flowing through to pump your heart which is what is keeping you alive and the anti-gravity flow of blood to the brain to make you sane! Seriously, how can you not lift your hands in praise to the Mighty Creator that loves you down to your every mispefection.

Father God,

How great, how mighty, how big and powerful you are on your throne in Heaven. What a gift my body is and a temple that I have given back to You. Thank you for the beautiful creation I am and for the amazing blessings around me. We are brothers and sisters in You who come together and get the opportunity to encourage one another through You. I am so encouraged today not by others' words but by their actions. I am completely in awe of You.

And once again I lift myself up to You. May you continue to guide my life, each step I take, and keep me in line with your will. Use me as you please and may all the glory and honor be given to You. Once again I am so honored to get the pleasure of teaching children how great your Love is for us. Even though you have an abundance of children, you love and care for each one as if we were the only one you had. If we are lost you will find us as the Shepherd did when one of his 100 sheep went missing. How special we feel when You pursue us. Father bless those children and their families as they lay their heads on their pillows tonight, warm their souls and bring their hearts to your sanctuary prepared to see You. How blessed we are with the priviledge to to Worship and praise You. Don't let us take for granted the freedom we have in that.

Jesus I pray you are present each moment of my life. Confirm once again your calling you have placed on my life as I continue to look for the door leading in a different direction. I'm being completely honest with you that the waiting is so difficult and I know it will pay off, but in the mean time I must listen to the pros and cons. Father focus my thoughts on You so that when I do hear the negative You overpower that with your voice. If you desire me to go I will go, I surrender my life to You, and ask that You work out all the details. May my eyes, heart, and mind look to You so that I understand and do only and exactly what You desire. Thank You Father for who you are and the eternal life I have to serve You.

I ask these things in Your name,

Friday, February 4, 2011

Total Surrender

The total surrender to “the love of Christ” is the only thing that will bear fruit in your life. And it will always leave the mark of God’s holiness and His power, never drawing attention to your personal holiness. - Chambers

Thursday, February 3, 2011

...and open to find the kids doing the same.

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." -Psalm 59:16

Today was a blur. I'm not sure if it was waking up way before I really needed to to make sure I got a hot shower, the quiet time I thought I would be mentally awake for (I don't know myself very well) or the work I was excited to get to. But the day went. That is the best way to describe it, it went. Thursday mornings we have a group of kids who come to the nursery while their mom's are in bible studies. For about 30 min, we sing songs to the Lord and hear a bible story. I absolutely love watching kids praise the Lord, it is like seeing Jesus. When you make contact with them their faces light up; I close my eyes during parts to connect with the Lord and open to find the kids doing the same. These kids are one to five years old and they are worshipping the God of the universe. And I get paid for this???

Today I got a chance to take a breath. I was not rushed between activities, I took my time and got what needed to get done, done. I left, came home, and perched myself on my bed. I just laid here. Normally Thursdays are filled with homework, but today, I took the opportunity to rest. I'm excited to sleep tonight, and wake up tomorrow to serve the Lord in whatever He has for me, literally whatever because I have no plans!


What a God I serve. As I taught the kids this morning, you have ALOT of children. More than I will ever know and yet you know each and every one of us down to the very last detail of our dna. If one of your children are lost, you will go after it. As I sometimes attempt to run off on my own, Father you always come looking for me, even in the middle of the night. Father I pray for those children, that they will one day know you as their Savior, that you would truely live in their heart and be their everything.

Jesus I desire to draw closer to You. To feel your touch, to sense your spirit and see You present. I desire more of you and less of me. Fade me away so that You shine through, that You would be ultimately praised for the work you are doing on this Earth through me. What joy I get in giving you my life each and every day and getting the opportunity to see your hands and feet at work. Continue to guide me, help me to be patient and wait for You to work. It is all in your perfect timing that each step will happen. I'm encouraged by what You have accomplished so far and allowed me to see. Thank you Father for all the things you have done so far that I haven't seen and thank you for all you are yet to do. I am so thankful to have a Father up in heaven that has my best interest in mind in everything that happens.

I love you. I praise you for who you are. Mighty and Holy is your name. Use me as you will.

I pray these things in your name,

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Take my Life

The Compelling Force of the the Call

Woe is me if I do not preach the gospel! -1 Corinthians 9:16

"To be "separated to the gospel" means being able to hear the call of God (Romans 1:1). Once someone begins to hear that call, a suffering worthy of the name of Christ is produced. Suddenly, every ambition, every desire of life, and every outlook is completely blotted out and distinguished. Only one thing remains- "separated to the gospel." Woe be to the soul who tries to head in any other direction once that call has come to him." -Chambers, Feb 2

That's what I woke up to this morning. That's the feeling in words that I feel down to the last detail. All I want to do is share the gospel with a group of people outside my world. I've just noticed in the last few days as I have finished school, everyone asks the question what next? My answer- whatever God has for me. But He has given me this calling and I must go.

My prayer every day is for God to once again reaffirm that 1. You still want to use me in this way and 2. Becoming a part time missionary is something I must follow through with. So I'm not just going to go through my day and expect God to show me through that, even though He is perfectly capable and will. But I chose today to take another step of faith. A God connection I must say through the small group I was attending for a short time led me to a dear dear friend who is involved with missions at Shadow. I told her of my desire to become a missionary, my heart is for Romania but I'm open for anything (honestly, my thought was that Shadow Mountain Church didn't have any missionaries in Romania). She says, well actually we do have a couple who is part of an organization but are members here and looking forward to go soon.

She then asked if I would like to meet another man who was in the office right next door of course and is charge of all communication between our church and the missionaries we support around the world. A few minutes into our conversations and I'm getting all the details, he was totally on board with connecting more with this couple and seeing if my gifts would be helpful to them. I left speechless. I had to hurry to a meeting so I wasn't really able to process that conversations but I still just sit here in awe of God. He must know me well because He has protected me from any sort of discouragement. This whole thing is completely new to me and everyone I have talked to (which hasn't been a whole lot) has been so supportive and encouraging. Praise be to God! And it continues...

Through another discussion I find out that this couples recent prayer/praise from this last year is their successful completion of bible schools! Obviously God has given me the gifts He has for a reason and I am blessed to have them and want to use them in whatever way He best wants to. How amazing would it be to get the opportunity to take my gifts to people in a country where God is not worshipped with the same freedom we have. I get the privilege every week to minister to children who, the majority, are getting bible teaching at home as well. To support these families is the highlight of my week and to see these children learn about the Lord and understand the love of Jesus is so incredible. How amazing would it be to take that experience and share it with children who may have never known the love of Christ. I am filled with such joy that God has given me this small glimpse into the workings of His hands. My prayer tonight is to continue to walk beside, not taking a step out of line but remaining in tune with the rhythm of Jesus' feet.


How grateful I am to get the opportunity to come before you tonight and praise You for the Creator and Sustainer that you are. As a child I dreamed dreams. As a child of Your's, I now get to live blessings. I never once in a million years as a child growing up pictured myself as a missionary. When I became saved, never did I see You using me in this way. Even going through school, getting my degree, up until almost a month ago did I think I would be even thinking of this. It is not the norm, but I am definitely not the norm. I don't live by the book (unless it's by the Word) and you have called each and every one of us to something specific. I am overwhelmed with You. And I'm truely speechless. Thank you for once again answering my prayers and allowing me to see into your workings. I pray I continue to have open eyes and ears to see and listen and that I do not become sidetracked.

Focus my thoughts, each and every one of them, on You. May everything I do be pleasing and good. May you convict me in my wrongdoings and point me toward your grace and mercy. May you fill me in whatever way that looks like so that I can serve you and be renewed by your Holy Spirit. Father it is the sunday school song I have been singing over and over with my kiddos each week, Create in me a clean heart of God that I might serve you, create in me, a clean heart of God that I might be renewed. So fill me, and heal me, and bring me back to you, create in me a clean heart of God that I might serve you. That is my utmost prayer. I love you. I want to serve you in whatever way You have for me. Take my life for it is your's.

In Your name I pray,

Take my Life by Chris Tomlin

Take my life and let it be, consecrated Lord to thee. And take my moments and my days let them flow in ceaseless praise. Take my hands and let them move, at the impulse of thy love. Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee. Take my voice and let me sing, always only for my king. Take my lips and let them be filled with messages for thee. Take my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold. Take my intellect and use every power as you chose.

Here am I. All of me. Take my Life, It's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it thine, it shall be no longer mine. Take my heart and is thine own, it shall be thy royal throne. Take my love my Lord I pour at your feet its treasure store, Take myself and I will be every, only, all for thee.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Great Commission

Most of us use "I'm waiting for God to reveal His calling on my life" as a means of avoiding action. Did you hear God calling you to sit in front of the television yesterday? Or to go on your last vacation? Or exercise this morning? Probably not, but you still did it. The point isn't that vacations or exercise are wrong, but that we are quick to rationalize our entertainment and priorities yet are slow to commit to serving God." - Francis Chan, p. 169

Is that true in your life? As I read those words this morning as well as the rest of the paragraphs of the last chapter in "Crazy Love", I was torn. First, I felt as if God was completely speaking to my heart. At least 3 times did Chan use the word missionary just in that chapter. And prayer is important, it is my conversation with God and when it comes to serving to this extent I feel as if it needs a couple extra prayers to make sure I'm hearing right. But affirmation seems to be ringing. And it sounds completely crazy, but I can't just jump on a plane, no I am not that crazy, God knows I'm a planner and therefore I pray for a few more details.

So I'm not just sitting anymore. I'm praying earnestly, but I'm also searching for opportunities, looking to see where God wants to open the door.

Rationalize, prioritize, what is important in my life?
1. God
2. family
3. friends
4. work
I guess I needed to be honest with myself and list them. But I'm not sure that is the right order that I have in my mind at the moment. My prayer is to refocus and re-prioritize so that the list above is what is playing out in my life. But I have to admit today was a tough day. I'm not sure why the emotion, why the frustration, why the heavy burden, but I definitely didn't feel like me today. I attempt to be a happy person, constantly thinking about the life God has blessed me with and challenging myself each day to realize this day God created and has a purpose for me to fullfill today and I must do so with an attitude of Christ. But that just didn't happen. And I'm not sure if I was frusturated with people, the conversations I had with them, or just what is going on inside of me that is just so overwhelming I can't seem to decifer much else. Maybe this moving away for a couple months might help. :)

So it's always on my mind. The weight is constantly on my chest, literally I feel like 10lb of bricks are on me. But if I seek God's attention first, ask Him to guide me each moment, pray for wisdom from the Holy Spirit to guide my actions and words, then everything will fall into place. I no longer belong to myself, I am God's, I am God's tool to use to help accomplish the Great Commission, which funny, is the preface to the verse I have chosen from the very beginning to title this blog.

Father God,

You are a God of love, of gentleness, of self-control. You have created the heavens and the Earth with your hands and those same hands were used to create me. You have pre-destined my life and know the ins and outs of everything I have done, am doing, and will do. You see my life in its entirety and yet You also see me right here, right now, as I struggle to determine what I must do, when I must do it. But I have faith that you will pull through, that today was a day I attempted to do it by myself, I have failed miserable and have come back knowing that only You complete me. For the Holy Spirit dwells inside my heart, helps me to see clearly and guides my path. I give you the struggles, the conversations, the tought situations I faced today and just ask that you would come along side, help me to decifer which of those need follow up and which need to be put behind. The sin of this world has created these situations which are not at all pleasing to you. Holy Spirit I ask for your wisdom that is higher than this world to be able to move past and onto exactly what You have for me.

I love you. I desire to seek you more. It is in these tough days that I realize just how much I need you. May I praise you amongst the feeling of sadness, frusturation and confusion and see your Mighty hand working instead. For it is in these times that You are so alive.

I know I'm called to suffer and to take up my cross, but sometimes I grow so fearful when I count the cost. Still my heart wants to follow and to walk in your ways, to be counted with the faithful, Lord guide me today.

With all my mind, my strength and my soul, I will love you God, so here's my life, and take complete control!

Father break my plans,shape my heart, take my will to where you are. Move my mind through your Word, til all that I am, lives to Love You Lord.

I ask these things in your precious Name,
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