Three lessons from this story:
1. Confront your problems.
2. Cherish your victories.
3. Concentrate on your goals.
Confront your problems: My problem(s); Am I fully sacrificing myself to God? I say it over and over, I am totally willing to just up and go. It would be so much easier to go tomorrow, because then there would be a lot less details to have to figure out. But God doesn't exactly work that way, or at least I don't feel as if He is here. He's stretching me by making me wait. Secondly, it's been quite frustrated hearing this calling and realizing more and more that getting to be a wife and mom will mostly likely get put aside. My hearts desire is to serve my family and right now, God is calling me to serve my brothers and sisters. So once again, He's stretching me by making me wait. I'm not sure it is any easier to understand the purpose and still see the problem(s). As the days go by, the amount of work, the unknown is eating me alive. I am so incredibly frustrated inside because of the unknown. Once again, I find myself in the bottom of the well, waiting as Joseph did for someone to come along and pull him out. He prayed to God for his brothers to come back, and that is totally my prayer. But in Joseph's story, they didn't exactly come back and rescue him, they came and sold him. And God used that in a much bigger way than Joseph could have ever imagined.
So right now, I sit in that well. Praying to God knowing that there is a much bigger, better plan than what I can even see or imagine. My prayer is for God to show me exactly what I need to do, show me the timeline of when it needs to be done and the goal I'm working towards. Unfortunately, using Joseph's story, I got nothing right now. The goal I have, as a missionary, may be the complete opposite of what God has in store for me. Whatever it is, I want to be just like Joseph. I want to go and serve God wherever He takes me. I want to show God's love through service, whether here at home or away.
Father,
I turn to You now as the one who knows all. You hold eternity in your hand. You see me right where I am, as a purified child of your's in the brokenness and confused state I'm in. I know nothing, yet you know everything. You see in one snapshot my entire life playing out as if it is a 30 second Super Bowl commerical. Laughter, joy, satisfaction, wants and desires, all wrapped up into a life. You give me only what I need, You take from me all that I have and am so that I fully trust in You. Let me surrender it all over to You. I come kneeling at the cross, laying down all that I am. You have been so faithful with my life and even though I have a checklist of things that I want you to accomplish so I can check them off, I realize we may not have the same checklist. Father the wants and problems I face are no surprise to You. You have the perfect checklist and use the problems I see as stepping stones to the next greater thing you have for me. Allow me to sit at the bottom of the well completely content with Your presence and love. Focus my thoughts on You and not on the future.
Jesus you know the pain that dwells inside my soul as we really try to work through everything. In my eyes, dropping everything and going to the missions field seems like a problem. My humanity see's the finances, the hurts, the goodbyes, the details, and can't imagine it being done. But through God's eyes, I see possibility. I see provision, a plane, and life-giving service. I see people coming to know You. Father give me your eyes so that I may be uncomfortable when I try to look through my human eyes. If I look to You Jesus I know that You will guide me as if I were blind. Jesus I'm fixin' my eyes on You!
In your name Jesus I pray,
Amen
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