Jealousy.

Revelation: God is jealous of me and my time.

What a sweet realization.

Here’s the things God has been teaching me this week and how they have all come together on this beautiful Wednesday afternoon with the truth that He is jealous for me.

*Study on Gideon, truth: weak person + God = His plan’s fulfilled

*FB picture, truth: God uses people who fail- cause there aren’t any other kind around.

*Seeking Him study, truth: for my power is made perfect in weakness –1 Corinthians 12:9

*Missionary Call book, quote: Humanly speaking, you should be scared of death, but, then again, you already are dead, aren’t you? Truth: there is no need for faith where there is no consciousness of an element of risk

*Randy Alcorn, truth: I must say no to good things, in order to be available to say yes to what God is calling me to do

weakness. failures. risk. His best.

The beginning of the week I got a call regarding a full time job opportunity. Before I get to far I have to say I’m not looking for work right now. God has been confirming over and over again that my job is to delight in Him (Psalm 37:4) so that He can reveal to me in His timing the desires He has for me. (and anytime I doubt He provides something small to remind me) But I know this is for a season so I don’t want to be irresponsible and immediately say no to something because God has called me to spend time with him.

So when I got the call, I wanted to say yes, in fact every thing I threw at her she had a solution for. And then my head went spinning into all the possibilities (and heart longings) this could fill. I told her I would get back to her by the end of the week after I thought it over and prayed about it.

I think I’ve done a lot more thinking and day-dreaming than I have praying.

Until today.

I connected all the dots with the lessons God has been putting in front of me and a quote came to mind, I looked up the source. It’s the one above by Randy Alcorn… I’ll re-write it because it's that good.

I must say no to good things, in order to be available to say yes to what God is calling me to do.

I couldn’t tell you if this was a test (something that could fill my longing for motherhood and to fit in with the majority of my friends around me) or something good that I have to say no to in order to wait for His best. Whatever the reason for the no, I had this overwhelmingly amazing revelation: my God is jealous for me and my time!

He loves me so much that He wants all this time for me to sit and soak up how special it is to just be with Him. I was honest with him a few hours ago, “God I will take this job and be content with staying here for this time if that’s what you want”…and I meant it. But this is a good thing, I’m sure more good things will come, and  I’m going to trust when the best thing comes along I will know without a shadow of a doubt that that is the yes I’m suppose to make.

My God is a jealous God and oh how loved I feel right now that that jealousy is being lavished over me!

choosing to delight

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. –Psalm 37:4

There are two parts to this verse. There are also two different actions performed by two different people.

The first action is on the part of the believer; delight yourself in the Lord… what a beautiful verb! Delight; enjoy, being enchanted by, find satisfaction, be filled with joy, glee and gladness. That is our job. That is my job. My one purpose in life is to find satisfaction in God. To know Him better, to draw closer to Him, to fall in love with Him.

Over the last several weeks, I’ve been asked the question, “so what is next?” or “where are you going next?” “are you going back to Kenya?” and so on. I hesitate in front of people feeling like I’m suppose to know the answer. But God’s Word has given me the answers:

A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. –Proverbs 16:9

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord… -Jeremiah 29:11

…Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. –Psalms 143.8

Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust your own cleverness. –Proverbs 23:4

What’s next? I’m working on knowing Christ. Every step I take, my job is to see how God is revealing Himself in it. It takes such a burden off myself to try to figure it out. And I’m sure everyone would like to know “the where”… but rest assured, I desire it even more! But I’m choosing to delight right now.

Honesty time. I'm having a hard time delighting here. I delighted in God while in Kenya every day. My journal entries day after day always started with, "I didn't know today could get better than yesterday". I lived moment by moment in tune with what God wanted me to do, what He wanted me to say, where He wanted me to go. I was doing what He had created me to do and I couldn't have felt more fulfilled. I know that where I am right now is also where God wants me. But because I'm not actively "doing" all the time like I was there, I often feel the outside pressure that I'm not doing all that I'm suppose to be doing. Every time I question God (usually because doubt has been implanted) He surprises me with something to confirm that I'm doing what He wants me to do; delight in Him right now. 

And as I delight… the Lord promises that He will give [me] the desires of [my] heart. In the original Hebrew text, the verb “give” can also be translated, “to put”, “set”, “put upon”, “appoint”, “assign”, “designate”.

Get this...

He will [put] the desires…

He will [set] the desires…

He will [appoint} the desires…

He will [assign] the desires…

God does this action. I am not meant to take on this task. *relief* As I do my job (delighting in Him), He does His job (assigning me desires that I can live out). There is no timeline that God promises that He will reveal and when He will assign. But as I delight in Him, I’m fully waiting with expectation to see Him implant within me the desires that He has for me.

When God reveals the desire for the “where” I will surely share it with my awesome team that continues to support, love, and walk this journey with me. But let us let God work in His timing willingly. He is already preparing the hearts of those I will get to share His love with and the team I will work with. He is working and I hope you are just as excited as I am to see His plan unfold.

Let us delight. Let us let God give us desires in our hearts that we may go and make disciples of all the nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that He has commanded us. He is with us, even to the ends of the age. Amen.

(Psalm 37:4 & Matthew 29:19-20)