John 4:34

"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." -John 4:34

I began reading through the gospel of John tonight. I'm still doing my chronological reading and have yet to start Deuteronomy but I felt the desire to read this particular gospel. In the middle of chapter 4 are a few versus that describe Jesus meeting the Samaritan woman at the well. He asks her to draw for him water and she explains that He is the living water. He also told her "everything she had ever done" (versus 29) and convinced her that He was the Son of God. She left to go back and tell her people and the disciples decided they knew what Jesus was hungry. So they offer him food but he replies "I have food to eat that you know nothing about." It is right after this statement that he explains what he means in regards to the food.

Now I love food, I do know someone who loves food more than I do, and I know a lot people who live their lives on a schedule that revolves around food (which is most of us). But as I read this story, and John 4:34 specifically, he describes completely what food we should be scheduling around. It isn't the food that will fill our stomachs and within a few hours need more. No the food that God provides is a will and a task.

The will: "to do the will of him who sent me..." When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior I felt a change. No longer did my plans seem important (even though at times my human thoughts attempt to tell me otherwise) but rather God's plans took precedence. And as I have grown to know God better, understand His voice more clearly and walk the path that Jesus has laid out for my life, I learn more and more each day what that will is that He has for my life. As I continue down the journey of praying about missionary work, my ultimate prayer is that God's will for my life be accomplished in whatever way that looks like. Giving up my dreams and my desires is a must for Jesus for he tells us to take up our cross and follow Him.

The task: "...and to finish his work." For each person, the work or task is different for in Jeremiah 29:11, he explains that he has a plan for each of our lives, to prosper us and give us a future. What he doesn't say in Jeremiah 29:11 is tell me your plans and I will make those happen. Instead, we learn that he has a plan for us, that we do not know, that in seeking Him out, walking with Him daily, we'll discover what that plan is. But the plan isn't about us, even though a lot of times we think it is, for when we accepted Jesus as our Savior, as Jesus said and I repeated in the last paragraph, that He tells us that we are to take up our cross each day. His plans are not to fulfill our dreams but rather the work that is to be accomplished in order to further His Kingdom.

So what's God's will and task for my life? I continue to pray, seek out His word and allow Him to work within my life to direct my path so that it can align with His plan. As each day goes by, more and more confirmation seems to be happening.

Jesus,

I love you. I desire to feed off of your food for all my days. Whether that involves me living amongst family and friends or in another country, I pray that you would continue to bring peace to my soul. I pray that you would continue to show me that I am doing what you want me to do and that your Holy Spirit would continue to fill me each day so that I may walk in your truth. May the will that you have for my life be done in the days you have numbered and may the task that lays ahead not be a burden but rather a gift. I fully acknowledge your workings, knowing that in my own will, that none of this would be happening. I praise you Lord for the power that you have in working in my life and that may you be glorified in all that I do.

In Jesus sweet name I lift this prayer to you tonight,

Amen

God, is this a joke???

Venting: First, I gotta set the scene and lets see if maybe, just maybe you'll catch on. (I believe in you!) So I'm sitting at this most beautiful wedding, so excited to see this bride and groom get married. The food was delicious and the wait wasn't too bad :) But here's where it gets good. Here I am, me, just me. To my left, couple #1, to my right, couple #2, in front of me #3, 4,5,6,7,8,9,10....do I need to continue??? God, are you joking me here, is this a bad dream or in an "Alice in wonderland" type adventure. I believe the other single people were 18 and under, kicker, the great Aunt Kay (name changed) who is widowed was even able to find a date! And here's where God comes in, as the bride is dancing with her dad I get two realizations. One, there is a reason why I haven't gotten the chance to dance with my dad at my wedding yet, and two, that is because God knows that if He allows me to get married, I will then want to start having kids and will ignore the passion that is so strong within me to go serve on the missions field.

So even though I sat there tonight, tears in my eyes a couple times thinking about how I am surrounded by couples, dreaming about my own wedding, and thinking about my future, I realize that God is still God. Even though my emotions pull me to a place of despair and loneliness, I have Jesus reminding me that He is all that I need. So now I stop, realizing that my complaining is getting me nowhere, and I decide to write my husband a letter, and if I never get married, then this letter belongs to Jesus.

Dear Landon (future husband's fake name),
   How I wait for the day to finally get to meet you face to face. I look forward to hearing all about your life, what makes you tick, what you are all about. I look forward to learning what makes you the happiest so that I can do those things. I look forward to knowing your heart, what your greatest desires are in life, and how you have grown to become the man you are today. As I write this letter, I realize God is not done preparing each of us for our moment to meet and therefore I ask him with each passing minute to mold our hearts to love Him more, so that when we do meet, we are able to love each other in a way that beautifully symbolizes Christ's love for us. How I desire to look into your eyes and know that you are the person who will be by my side as long as God gives us breath. May Jesus Christ be the center of all we say, think and do and may we always realize that meeting each other is a gift from God. God has brought both of us individually through good times and bad that as we begin a life together, I pray we lean on those times as well as the one's we will create together to remain faithful and true to our God. So Landon, until we meet, may God richly bless your life. May you depend on Him fully in all that you do. May you trust in His perfect timing knowing that His is better than ours. I look forward to writing many more letters to you. May you rest in God's arms tonight as we lay our heads down to sleep in separate beds knowing one day, we will, God willing, get the opportunity to promise each other forever.

Dear Jesus, You know my heart, you know my longings and desires and tonight I desire to lay my head down with promises you have given me that I cling to in times as these.

May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. -Psalm 20:45

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4

" I pray that your Holy Spirit would direct my ways"

A quick update because it has been since the beginning of April that I have posted and a few things have changed.
1. I increased in age by one year.
2. I have been doing my chronological reading but I must admit it did not get done in 60 days. As of this morning I finished Numbers.
3. Indian Hills was so fun with 10, 2nd thru 4th grade girls.
4. Summer Blast!!! I don't think there are more words, just exclamation marks!!
5. Vacation to Lake Powell with the family on a houseboat. Lots of reading, relaxing, some waterskiing, wake boarding, sleeping, did I mention sleeping??? So lovely.
6. I almost forgot, my latest most amazing accomplishment, oh so delicious!

marshmellows(not shown) sprinkles, reeses, chocolate chips,
york peppermint patties, m&m's
oreos, graham cracker and gummy bears.

It has been a great 5-6mths and they have also been really hard as well. I came down with this awful disease called being tired 24 hours a day. No joke, from the first moment I got out of bed I was ready to go back to sleep. (Coffee didn't even help) I really thought something was wrong and the doctor explained it as "everything is fine...according to your blood work"...my response, "no it's not". So if you know me at all you know that I will at this point figure it out myself. Ok so I'm reading this very addicting book series and the main character's parents were missionaries in Indonesia. So it got my thinking back to this blog and what God had laid on my heart just over a year ago, and that was to look into missions and possible go out to the field. But it really was since my last post in April that I thought about it and as I do the math, it was right around that time that the tiredness and lack of motivation for life began.

 In my last post on April 8th, in the closing pray I asked God, "that your Holy Spirit would direct my ways". As I was praying just this week, I put a couple pieces together and realized that in April I stopped pursing missions. In April was also the beginning of my lack of wanting to do anything. And then it hit me. My prayer was being answered, God was directing me, He was trying to get my attention, and I was not obeying. He was making it hard, I was trying to go through the motions with no forward motion for what I believe He wants me to be doing. And the reason I'm almost 100% positive about this, my energy level and desire for life has changed dramatically. Just in searching for missions organizations one night and my life is so much more joyful. I'm filled with a peace that is indescribable. My newest realization tonight, God's power is really really strong!

If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. -1 Peter 4:11

So my praise goes to the one who has a plan for my life, a perfect plan. My prayer goes to the God who has the strength to work in my life, in my body, to get my attention so that I will follow His will. A heart of thanks goes to the Holy Spirit for being willing to pursue me when I had shut down the idea in my earthly body to obey and to Jesus, my best friend who is willing to walk with me through this life and lead me to his Cross where I can take my burdens, my fears, my heart and He will wash me clean and make me new. Jesus, the process has been started, I sent in my preliminary application and I just ask that you would either open the door wide or close it and lock it shut. Even though I know that I am not worthy of You in my life or even the amazing opportunities You give me, I do know that my heart, soul, mind and life belong to You and only You. And because of that I only want to do Your will, your plan. Show me God what You want me to do for Your Kingdom for there is nothing I look forward to more than the day I get to arrive in your arms and hear You welcome me home.

I love you Jesus.