John 4:34

"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." -John 4:34

I began reading through the gospel of John tonight. I'm still doing my chronological reading and have yet to start Deuteronomy but I felt the desire to read this particular gospel. In the middle of chapter 4 are a few versus that describe Jesus meeting the Samaritan woman at the well. He asks her to draw for him water and she explains that He is the living water. He also told her "everything she had ever done" (versus 29) and convinced her that He was the Son of God. She left to go back and tell her people and the disciples decided they knew what Jesus was hungry. So they offer him food but he replies "I have food to eat that you know nothing about." It is right after this statement that he explains what he means in regards to the food.

Now I love food, I do know someone who loves food more than I do, and I know a lot people who live their lives on a schedule that revolves around food (which is most of us). But as I read this story, and John 4:34 specifically, he describes completely what food we should be scheduling around. It isn't the food that will fill our stomachs and within a few hours need more. No the food that God provides is a will and a task.

The will: "to do the will of him who sent me..." When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior I felt a change. No longer did my plans seem important (even though at times my human thoughts attempt to tell me otherwise) but rather God's plans took precedence. And as I have grown to know God better, understand His voice more clearly and walk the path that Jesus has laid out for my life, I learn more and more each day what that will is that He has for my life. As I continue down the journey of praying about missionary work, my ultimate prayer is that God's will for my life be accomplished in whatever way that looks like. Giving up my dreams and my desires is a must for Jesus for he tells us to take up our cross and follow Him.

The task: "...and to finish his work." For each person, the work or task is different for in Jeremiah 29:11, he explains that he has a plan for each of our lives, to prosper us and give us a future. What he doesn't say in Jeremiah 29:11 is tell me your plans and I will make those happen. Instead, we learn that he has a plan for us, that we do not know, that in seeking Him out, walking with Him daily, we'll discover what that plan is. But the plan isn't about us, even though a lot of times we think it is, for when we accepted Jesus as our Savior, as Jesus said and I repeated in the last paragraph, that He tells us that we are to take up our cross each day. His plans are not to fulfill our dreams but rather the work that is to be accomplished in order to further His Kingdom.

So what's God's will and task for my life? I continue to pray, seek out His word and allow Him to work within my life to direct my path so that it can align with His plan. As each day goes by, more and more confirmation seems to be happening.

Jesus,

I love you. I desire to feed off of your food for all my days. Whether that involves me living amongst family and friends or in another country, I pray that you would continue to bring peace to my soul. I pray that you would continue to show me that I am doing what you want me to do and that your Holy Spirit would continue to fill me each day so that I may walk in your truth. May the will that you have for my life be done in the days you have numbered and may the task that lays ahead not be a burden but rather a gift. I fully acknowledge your workings, knowing that in my own will, that none of this would be happening. I praise you Lord for the power that you have in working in my life and that may you be glorified in all that I do.

In Jesus sweet name I lift this prayer to you tonight,

Amen

God, is this a joke???

Venting: First, I gotta set the scene and lets see if maybe, just maybe you'll catch on. (I believe in you!) So I'm sitting at this most beautiful wedding, so excited to see this bride and groom get married. The food was delicious and the wait wasn't too bad :) But here's where it gets good. Here I am, me, just me. To my left, couple #1, to my right, couple #2, in front of me #3, 4,5,6,7,8,9,10....do I need to continue??? God, are you joking me here, is this a bad dream or in an "Alice in wonderland" type adventure. I believe the other single people were 18 and under, kicker, the great Aunt Kay (name changed) who is widowed was even able to find a date! And here's where God comes in, as the bride is dancing with her dad I get two realizations. One, there is a reason why I haven't gotten the chance to dance with my dad at my wedding yet, and two, that is because God knows that if He allows me to get married, I will then want to start having kids and will ignore the passion that is so strong within me to go serve on the missions field.

So even though I sat there tonight, tears in my eyes a couple times thinking about how I am surrounded by couples, dreaming about my own wedding, and thinking about my future, I realize that God is still God. Even though my emotions pull me to a place of despair and loneliness, I have Jesus reminding me that He is all that I need. So now I stop, realizing that my complaining is getting me nowhere, and I decide to write my husband a letter, and if I never get married, then this letter belongs to Jesus.

Dear Landon (future husband's fake name),
   How I wait for the day to finally get to meet you face to face. I look forward to hearing all about your life, what makes you tick, what you are all about. I look forward to learning what makes you the happiest so that I can do those things. I look forward to knowing your heart, what your greatest desires are in life, and how you have grown to become the man you are today. As I write this letter, I realize God is not done preparing each of us for our moment to meet and therefore I ask him with each passing minute to mold our hearts to love Him more, so that when we do meet, we are able to love each other in a way that beautifully symbolizes Christ's love for us. How I desire to look into your eyes and know that you are the person who will be by my side as long as God gives us breath. May Jesus Christ be the center of all we say, think and do and may we always realize that meeting each other is a gift from God. God has brought both of us individually through good times and bad that as we begin a life together, I pray we lean on those times as well as the one's we will create together to remain faithful and true to our God. So Landon, until we meet, may God richly bless your life. May you depend on Him fully in all that you do. May you trust in His perfect timing knowing that His is better than ours. I look forward to writing many more letters to you. May you rest in God's arms tonight as we lay our heads down to sleep in separate beds knowing one day, we will, God willing, get the opportunity to promise each other forever.

Dear Jesus, You know my heart, you know my longings and desires and tonight I desire to lay my head down with promises you have given me that I cling to in times as these.

May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. -Psalm 20:45

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4

" I pray that your Holy Spirit would direct my ways"

A quick update because it has been since the beginning of April that I have posted and a few things have changed.
1. I increased in age by one year.
2. I have been doing my chronological reading but I must admit it did not get done in 60 days. As of this morning I finished Numbers.
3. Indian Hills was so fun with 10, 2nd thru 4th grade girls.
4. Summer Blast!!! I don't think there are more words, just exclamation marks!!
5. Vacation to Lake Powell with the family on a houseboat. Lots of reading, relaxing, some waterskiing, wake boarding, sleeping, did I mention sleeping??? So lovely.
6. I almost forgot, my latest most amazing accomplishment, oh so delicious!

marshmellows(not shown) sprinkles, reeses, chocolate chips,
york peppermint patties, m&m's
oreos, graham cracker and gummy bears.

It has been a great 5-6mths and they have also been really hard as well. I came down with this awful disease called being tired 24 hours a day. No joke, from the first moment I got out of bed I was ready to go back to sleep. (Coffee didn't even help) I really thought something was wrong and the doctor explained it as "everything is fine...according to your blood work"...my response, "no it's not". So if you know me at all you know that I will at this point figure it out myself. Ok so I'm reading this very addicting book series and the main character's parents were missionaries in Indonesia. So it got my thinking back to this blog and what God had laid on my heart just over a year ago, and that was to look into missions and possible go out to the field. But it really was since my last post in April that I thought about it and as I do the math, it was right around that time that the tiredness and lack of motivation for life began.

 In my last post on April 8th, in the closing pray I asked God, "that your Holy Spirit would direct my ways". As I was praying just this week, I put a couple pieces together and realized that in April I stopped pursing missions. In April was also the beginning of my lack of wanting to do anything. And then it hit me. My prayer was being answered, God was directing me, He was trying to get my attention, and I was not obeying. He was making it hard, I was trying to go through the motions with no forward motion for what I believe He wants me to be doing. And the reason I'm almost 100% positive about this, my energy level and desire for life has changed dramatically. Just in searching for missions organizations one night and my life is so much more joyful. I'm filled with a peace that is indescribable. My newest realization tonight, God's power is really really strong!

If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. -1 Peter 4:11

So my praise goes to the one who has a plan for my life, a perfect plan. My prayer goes to the God who has the strength to work in my life, in my body, to get my attention so that I will follow His will. A heart of thanks goes to the Holy Spirit for being willing to pursue me when I had shut down the idea in my earthly body to obey and to Jesus, my best friend who is willing to walk with me through this life and lead me to his Cross where I can take my burdens, my fears, my heart and He will wash me clean and make me new. Jesus, the process has been started, I sent in my preliminary application and I just ask that you would either open the door wide or close it and lock it shut. Even though I know that I am not worthy of You in my life or even the amazing opportunities You give me, I do know that my heart, soul, mind and life belong to You and only You. And because of that I only want to do Your will, your plan. Show me God what You want me to do for Your Kingdom for there is nothing I look forward to more than the day I get to arrive in your arms and hear You welcome me home.

I love you Jesus.

The beginning...

Reading: Genesis 1-3

So today I begin a 60 day challenge unlike any food diet or running program. In the next 60 days I will read, pray and acknowledge the story that God has written in chronological order. My prayer is to grow closer to God in this time by learning more about Him and His plan, purpose and pursuit for my life.

Reading analysis: Creation. Today I read about the beginning of the earth. God does not live in time and therefore there is no day of beginning for our God, He is bigger than time. Day 1: created heaven and earth, day and night. Day 2: created the expanse (sky). Day 3: created the seas and land, plants, trees, and vegetation. Day 4: created 2 great lights, sun and moon, also the stars. Day 5: sea animals and birds. Day 6: Land animals, man, blessing of plants and animals for sustaining man. Day 7: God rested.
Human History Begins. Once the heavens and earth were created as well as man, human history could begin. We learn here that man was formed from dust and put in the garden of Eden to work it and take care of it (Gen 2:15). He placed in the garden the tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. God commands Adam to not eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evill. Woman is made from a rib of Adam while sleeping and analogy of marriage is described (Gen 2:24)
Fall of man. 1st sin ever committed- the woman doubted God. The serpent convinces the woman and man to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil and their eyes are opened to see the nakedness. God enters the garden, fear now takes over in Adam and Eve and so they hide from God in the garden which was once a place of joy and fellowship with God.
Man blames woman and serpent. Woman plants serpent.
God curses the serpent: "you will crawn on your belly and you will eat dust..."
God curses woman: "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing..."
God curses man: "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil (judgement) you will eat of it (grace)..."
In the conclusion of chapter 3, God explains that because of the sin we committed we cannot be in His presence. It is only because of the blood of Jesus that we can be Saved.

Reflection: I like beginnings. I like starting over, and God gives us ample opportunities to start fresh and new. We have a new day every day, and new week, and new year, and when we accept Jesus, a new life. Through that acceptance, we begin again, there is no more ends for we have "died" and are now living a life that is directed toward Eternity. Sin no longer rules our lives and Jesus Christ becomes our focus. As the serpent tries to sway us, we must remain in Christ.
Alot has been going on lately, from work, to friends, to family; there just isn't enough time to do everything. But if nothing else gets done, time with God, time with my best friend must happen. With the guidance of my best friend, we can accomplish anything. He created a plan, has a purpose and in pursuit towards those goals I must fix my eyes on the Creator.

Prayer: Dear heavenly Father, You are the great I AM. You were present before the earth was even made and heaven was even thought about. In the perfect way you created the heavens and the earth, sky, water and plants, you created me. When you formed me in my mother's womb you new the perfect plan and purpose that my life held. In communion with you now, I pray that your Holy Spirit would direct my ways, my words and my actions so that they align perfectly with Yours'. Sustain me during these times as I depend on you alone.
Father forgive me for the bad things I have done in the past and those that I will commit in the future. My sinful nature still lives within and I pray for your holy presence to be made known. Focus my energy on your plans.

I ask these things in Your precious name,

Amen

A letter to God

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire. Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. -Psalm 46

Jesus,

As a hard heart takes over, the desire, want and need for the God of the universe begins to drown. But a promise was made when I accepted You and asked You to dwell in my heart forever, no matter the circumstances, you promised You would never leave me. Have I at times felt you not there, yes, but deep down do I believe that to be true, no. I felt alone, I talked with no response, I acted with no sense of your help present. However, I know you were there, You did pull through, and I am deeply sorry that it took me so long to turn back. Jesus I desire to want you, all of you, and when (like right now) when that desire is not on fire, I want to want you even more. I know I need you, and this is my plea for you to come, explore my heart, mend its broken pieces, and be the glue that it needs to be beautiful again. For You, oh God, are what makes me whole. You knit me together in my mothers' womb and I praise You for the beautiful creation that You have created me to be.

Jesus, You tell me to be still. Your beauty, more magnificent than the sun rise, more extravagant than the most amazing sunset. The colors that you have created within the sky, trees, mountains, waters, plants and flowers.

Dasies. My most favorite flower because of the beautiful color of yellow that pops with the surrounding white petals against any color of backdrop. They stand so tall and any way they bend still produce the most beautiful array of flowers ever. A dasiy is simple, yet elegant. One flower can stand alone and hold just as much beauty as if it were in a bunch. I see myself as a daisy, whether alone or in a bunch, I stand out amongst any backdrop. My colors are vibrant as is my soul, yet I am simple.

I am a beautiful daisy, created by the God who knit me together just as I am. I come to You Father, asking for your sunlight to help me grow up, closer to You. What a beautiful picture You have given me not only of my beauty, but importantly of Yours'. I await your voice. Seek me with all your heart. The title of the last book I just finished. Be still and know that I am God. The verse that just became my soul's only desire.

You are my everything. I ask that You now be the only voice I hear. Draw me close to You.

In Your precious Name I pray,

Amen

Be Strong and Courageous

Within the first 9 versus of Joshua, the Lord commands Joshua to be strong and courageous three times! And as if Joshua didn't get it the first two times, the Lord asks in verse 9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous." In these verses Joshua was given all the land that Moses had been promised and was to lead the people of Israel into the promise land. Joshua was given the job, even though originally Moses was the one who had been given the task.

So, God may have said "Here is what I have for you," and He may just be using you as a tool to give the next person all the "land" that you were promised. Your hard work isn't for nothing, for in your obedience, many many people will come to know who the Lord that commanded Moses and out of your obedience will know who that God is. That God, is the only God that exists, the God that created the heavens and the earth, the God that has created a beautiful story and desires for us, out of obedience, to share that story with our loved ones and children. For in these very verses of Joshua, verse 5: the Lord promises; "I will never leave you nor forsake you." That is a strong promise that our God does not take lightly. He our struggles, discouragement, and sadness, God wants to be our strength and give us the courage to continue in the promises He has given to each of us.

He has placed so many different options in front of me. My prayer is that He will guide me and with His Holy Spirit, be courageous and find strength in Him to endure the changes that may arise out of this period in time. I have no idea what even today brings, but my God does. What a great and mighty God we serve. May our God give us the strength and courage we need to fight another day in His name.

Amen

He asked this only to test him

When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do. - John 6:5-6

He already knows the plans He has created, put in motion, solely the overseer of His children, asking them to obey Him and then waiting for the correct response. How often as children do we defiantly disobey what our parents say? I know me quite well, someone tells me something and I tend to immediately desire to do just the opposite. Why is that? And why in world would I think to do that with the one true God who has the power to kill off an entire generation, make people hard hearted and has suffered enough that to disobey God brings Him more hurt. There is no one like our God, the King of these people, Lord of this nation, light in the darkness, hope to the hopeless, peace to the restless, there is no one like our God. Light in the darkness, hope to the hopeless, peace to the restless.

I must surrender. Right now I must surrender, in five minutes I must surrender all over again, and again and again. Each moment because with one head turn I all of the sudden feel the weight on my shoulders, however when released know that He carries those burdens and I can then walk in the spirit of which He gives when we surrender.

Father I surrender, I give you my life, my thoughts, my attitude, and my actions. Help me to see Your plan and stay focused, doing exactly what You have called me to do with the attitude that You have called me to do it with. I work for You. With each task You give me, I pray I do it to solely to bring glory to You. May I not get distracted by the emotion and stress that comes with each difficult situation. Focus my heart on You.

I pray these things in Your precious name,

Amen

But he said to them, "It is I; don't be afraid." -John 6:20