217 days.

Let’s say I have a faith departure date of Tuesday July 23rd, 2013

23 days in July
30 days in June
31 days in May
30 days in April
31 days in March
28 days in February
31 days in January
and I’m writing this post on the eve of the 18th of December so…13 days left in December

217 days. I might start crying. And it’s completely mixed emotions. As the Christmas season has quickly come and it’s already the 18th of December, the fact that next Christmas I won’t be here is sinking in. Time with family and friends, Christmas parties, and traditions seem to have a greater impact on me. My heart is heavy, both for not being here for future holiday celebrations, and also for the burden to bring the good news to these amazing people.

The reason for this Christmas is to celebrate the birthday of our Savior. It amazes me that people who don’t believe in Jesus, don’t accept him as God, or don’t even know about him, celebrate this holiday with the giving of gifts, coming together with family, and sharing a meal. The wise men brought Jesus gifts on that first Christmas and we have continued that tradition in honor of the great gift He is to us. What a great opportunity to share the gospel with those who don’t believe!

Over 2,000 years ago, God, through the working of the Holy Spirit, placed God the Son, Jesus, into the womb of Mary to become God in the flesh, born of a virgin, to fulfill the prophecy of so many Old Testament Scriptures. 2,000 years ago this happened, and today we worship and adore this Jesus who is fully alive in Heaven waiting for the time for His Father to say, return, go and get my children, and bring them back to live with us for Eternity. This baby, fully God and fully man, bore my sin on the cross, died, was buried, and 3 days later rose, showing His power by conquering death. Jesus reigns in Heaven, and is my Redeemer.

200 days now seems like nothing, in comparison to 2,000 years ago. In just over 200 days I will leave all that I know, all the relationships I hold so dear, and go and by the grace of God build new ones. I pray many of those people will come to know Jesus by doing what He asks me to do, leave everything and follow Him. I pray that I can be His hands and feet to the one’s in need, I want to give my life away for the kingdom's sake, and shine His light in the darkest places of this world, in His name. I will carry with me His mercy to the broken-hearted, those in need of being rescued, and I ask Him to lead me to those who need to know Him. Here I am, Lord, I will go, send me out to make You known. 2,000 years ago Jesus left all He knew to come and make new relationships, do whatever His father asked of Him, and found the one's who needed His father's healing. What an amazing illustration to get to follow.

“We enter the world to be a redemptive agent for the world on behalf of God…we live by spirit filled action.” –Mark Driscoll’s definition of a missionary. We are an agent, a tool used by God to bring people into His kingdom. And we move, do, act, filled with the Holy Spirit. Jesus is our example, He came, lived in communion with God, completely abandoned to His Father’s will, and ultimately completed His call perfectly. We may not be perfect, but thank Jesus that we have a perfect example, and that He has shown us how to do it. Through His Word, Psalm 37 has reminded me that He has set, put or given me desires, a calling, which is to bring the gospel to the people in Kenya who haven’t heard of Him. He gave his life for me, I desire to give my life for Him, whatever that means.

Therefore, I may be sad that this is my last Christmas home for a year, I may be sad that time with family and friends is limited to 217 days, I may be sad that traditions may not happen for 18 months, but nothing can replace the joy I have knowing that I am giving my life over to my Savior for His leading. Nothing makes me more excited than to know I am completely willing to allow God to lead me, whatever that may look like. This life is not about me, this ministry, this move, the financial and prayer team is not about me, it’s about Jesus! It’s all about getting Jesus’ name to those who don’t know Him. I hope and pray that if God is calling you to be apart of this ministry, that you will obey Him, whatever that looks like in your life. I pray that you will be drawn to my Jesus who I would give my life for, at any cost, for His name’s sake. He was once a baby, but I worship Him as a risen Savior, a faithful, mighty, and wonderful Redeemer.

Carry your Candle

God has been bringing Psalm 37 to my attention throughout this last week. In the normal, day to day, we pray a prayer of thanksgiving for our food, in the mornings, we may thank God for a new day. Maybe something frustrates us, and we remember to go to God with our problems. But when there is something big going on, prayer becomes a moment by moment necessity, whether to keep our minds focused, or to keep our hearts calm. This last week, prayer has kept me going and I have been praying the words of Psalm 37 over and over. 

"Delight (surround) yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness SHINE like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." v.4-6

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him..." v. 7a

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm." v.23

"Wait for the Lord and keep His way..." v 34a

In verse 6, it says He, God, will make my righteousness shine. And that made me think of Luke 8:16, "No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead he puts in on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light." There is something about the light that has caught my attention. Psalm 119:105 says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."  As I pray and ask God for continued direction, I must remember that His Word is my guide. Through the Bible and the Holy Spirit, I can become convinced of the plans He has for me, so much so that I have no desire but to want them. Which is where the song lyrics below come in. Both of them have spoke so much truth into my heart over this last week as I remember that there is darkness in this world, and He has called me to be a light. He has called me to carry my candle into His world, so that His name may be known. And  therefore, I pray and ask God to send me out. I have said from the beginning, Jesus I want to be your hands and feet, and here is a beautiful song that puts that cry of my heart, into lyrics. And once again, I am reminded to shine my light that He has burning inside me. 

I'm praying, I'm reading His word, and asking the Holy Spirit to convince me of what He has for me. I am continually reminded that God has plans that I cannot fathom, but what He has revealed is a desire to go; to go to Kenya, to teach, to shine the light He has placed in my soul, to be the hands and feet to those who need His loving touch. I am willing. That is all He is asking of me right now. 

Father God, there is a candle burning brightly in my soul, wanting to know you more, wanting to share the knowledge of your love with those who do not know. God I am willing to go, to carry my candle, to hold it out so that all can see it. God, how lit is my candle? Can you see it burning? Is it burning for you? As I was driving home the other night, I was wondering from heaven, how many people who call themselves Christians, followers of you, have a candle that is burning within them, bright enough for you to see it. Desiring to do your will, wanting to get the good news of Jesus into the world. God my heart breaks to know there are people in this world who do not know you, whether they have never heard of you or have refused you, they are there, and they need to know of your love. Help me God to shine my light bright for you, wherever you have me, so that you will be known. God I give you my life, use it for your glory, so that your kingdom is furthered, whatever that looks like. I desire to shine my candle in the darkness, so that people can see it. Send me out to go light your world.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Go light your World - Chris Rice

There is a candle in every soul

Some brightly burning, some dark and cold

There is a Spirit who brings a fire

Ignites a candle and makes His home

So carry your candle, run to the darkness

Seek out the helpless, confused and torn

Hold out your candle for all to see it

Take your candle, and go light your world

Take your candle, and go light your world

Send me Out - Steve Fee

Jesus, Lord of my salvation, Savior of my soul

Send me out to the world to make You known

Jesus, King of every nation, this world's only hope

Send me out to the world to make you known

Send me out to the world

I wanna be Your hands & feet

I wanna be Your voice every time I speak

I wanna run to the ones in need

In the name of Jesus

I wanna give my life away, all for Your kingdom’s sake

Shine a light in the darkest place, 

In the name of Jesus

In the name of Jesus.

Here am I, I will go

Send me out to make You known

There is hope for every soul

Send me out, send me out

breaking the barriers of “fund” raising

When God began to seriously open doors to Missions, I have to admit the part I feared the most was raising support. I have no fear about getting on a plane and traveling hundreds of miles to an unknown culture, a different language and for who knows how long. But depending on other people’s hard earned funds to go towards “my” ministry… that just seemed wrong. How wrong my thinking was!

About a week ago I began a book by Betty Barnett called “Friend Raising: Building a missionary support team that lasts”. Between my training with SIM and her book, my whole idea of raising support is completely different. I now am very comfortable sharing about my ministry needs, which include both prayer and finances.

Fund. I don’t really like the word because it implies that it’s about money. This ministry is not about money, it’s about people, it’s about Jesus and seeing people know Him. Instead, I like to use the word SUPPORT. Support implies more than just finances, it’s about a group of people, invested in something, who pray for and give towards a goal. What is our goal, to bring the gospel of Christ to the nations (Matt. 28:19). We are all striving towards one goal. I’m so glad I’m not in this alone.

So here it is! In order to buy my plane ticket I must have 100% of my one time needs and 80%(or more) of my monthly support pledged. I have a faith departure date/week of July 22-26th in order to do language school for the month of August and begin teaching the 1st of September.  

One time needs: $9,186.00
Breakdown:
27% Training, support raising, immunizations(ouch!), and language study
65% Plane ticket to Kenya, Visa, Baggage, and 1st months support
8% Housing set up & spiritual life conference





Monthly needs: $2,866.00
Breakdown:
49% Salary/housing (this comes directly to me each month)
14% Admin fees (encouragement, processes donations, books my tickets, did I mention encouragement? and so much more!)
10% Ministry Needs (school supplies, travel to school, security)
12% Medical Insurance
11% Taxes
4% Retirement

The numbers may seem high to you, but as I was given the breakdown during my finance meeting at SIMGo, it was amazing the peace that I had knowing this was God’s money. I have complete trust that He will nudge hearts to give to this amazing ministry in Kenya. I feel so honored that He is entrusting me with these resources.

What has gotten me to this point? The way He has proven His faithfulness in the past. One clear example I remember well was about 3-4 years ago, I lost my nanny job after the father lost his and I filled my time looking for jobs and volunteering at church. Just when I thought, this is the month, I do not have enough money to pay my bills, God provided a job, a job that provided just enough money, literally down to the dollar, to pay my bills for that month. And since that month, He has provided each and every time. He has abundantly blessed me and I joyfully give back to Him.

Whether by prayer or financial giving, you become just as much apart of this ministry as I am. Picture a body, God has called me to be the hands and feet, the one moving to Kenya to work directly with kids, sharing His love and truth with them. And in these next few months, He will be calling many people to be the arms, legs, stomach, heart… you get my point. And as you pray and give, you become a part of this ministry, and He promises to those who give, they will be blessed. He is building a support team of people praying, of people financially giving, and me going so that He can be glorified. 


This isn’t about money, it’s about Jesus. It’s about giving glory to God as the Holy Spirit works in people’s lives (including mine!). I pray my testimony, this journey, and my faith will bring God much glory. If any of this becomes about me, feel free to call me out. If what I say doesn't involve Jesus, I am doing something very wrong.

Thanks to many of you, kids and their families in Kenya are going to be blessed with hearing the gospel, many I pray will receive His free gift, and become brothers and sisters to each of us who have already placed our lives in His loving hands.

Is God calling you to give? Are you wanting more information about Kenya? See the links below to follow up, be obedient to Him, and together, we will get to see Him do amazing things! Once again, thanks for praying for me, for this ministry, and especially for the kids in Kenya.

To give to this ministry, click HERE. One time needs and monthly gifts are both welcome!

I would love to meet for coffee, a meal at your house, or something creative… to share more about this amazing ministry. Click HERE to email me.

Prayer Request: Pray for wisdom and obedience for me. God has asked me to continue to align my life with His plan, not the other way around, and it’s definitely teaching me what the word flexibility means. Pray that I would be in His Word often and that He would provide an answer in a very clear and decisive way.

hidden with Christ in God

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. –Colossians 3:1-3

1. Set your hearts on things above. (striving)

2. Set your minds on things above. (concentrating)

3. Your life is now hidden with Christ in God. (hidden & concealment)


Upward & Forward. With so much on my heart and mind concerning Kenya, this passage I read last night in class hit home. The unrest I’m feeling has to do with what I have set my heart and mind on. I’m striving towards July 2013, I’m concentrating on leaving for Kenya. My heart wants to love the children in Kibera already, my heart wants to grieve for the situations I’m going to see, my heart wants to feel that burden to understand. My mind is full of conversations that could take place to raise a support team, it’s full of names of people I want to connect with, it’s getting filled with knowledge of Kenya from resources I have gathered. But where is Jesus in all of this?
Even though Jesus is the reason why I’m striving towards leaving in 2013 and concentrating on getting to Kenya, I have left him out of the details.

Galatians 4:10, You are observing special days and months and seasons and years! 
Galatians 4:18, It is fine to be zealous, provided the purpose is good, and to be so always and not just when I am with you.

Paul reminds me in these verses from Galatians that as I strive towards Kenya and concentrate on what needs to get done, I am "observing" this season as if it is my god. Paul reminds me a few verses later that its okay to be zealous, but do so with a heart and mind in Christ. As I celebrate what Jesus is doing in this season, I must remain zealous for Him, for His purposes, for His glory, not for Kenya. Paul reminds me in Colossians to look upward and forward in everything I do here on Earth. All I do should be focused on Christ, his resurrection and His placement in heaven. As I work on details of getting to Kenya by July, I must constantly remember why I am doing this, who I am doing this for, and where all the power is.

With Christ. I am not doing this alone. In God. Every step, every detail, conversation, gift, thought, to-do, should be done with God as the center. This is no one’s fault but my own.(check out this amazing song by Matt Redman called Never Once... I blasted it in my car shortly after posting this the first time :)... it fits perfectly!) But as I reflect on how I have been doing it, I want to now look upward and forward, I want to begin moving with Christ and as God as the center. My heart can look upward as I focus more on my relationship with Jesus instead of what He is doing for me. My heart can look forward knowing that God can use these next seven months as a time for me to know Him more. My mind can look upward and release the stress, the weight that this is all on me, my mind can let go. My mind can look forward and remember that this is all in God’s hands, this is all in God’s timing and this is all in His power.

As I look upward and forward, I must remember I am only promised today, I must focus on today, and if Jesus was  to come back today, what would I care about? It wouldn't be Kenya anymore, it would be my relationship with Jesus. This is a marathon towards heaven, not towards Kenya. I must act, respond, and live as if it’s about Jesus, all the time.

There are 25 days until Christmas, 25 days celebrating the birth of Jesus. I look forward to these next 25 days where houses decorated with lights, cookies being baked, and families coming together are just a few of the many reminders of what this season is all about, celebrating His birth. Jesus is our ultimate gift anyone could ever want, and I’m so glad I chose to receive it! Christmas is about Jesus, Kenya is about Jesus, my life is about Jesus! What a sweet reminder He has given me today.


As I was sharing my heart this morning with my dear friend, she told me an illustration that fits perfectly with this thought of looking upward and forward. I am a swimmer, I have been trained, I have trained others, I have confidence in my abilities no matter what may be in front of me (thanks to water polo for this one). She said to picture myself going out to sea. Before the calm of the ocean are waves (and in SD right now, they are quite big...see exhibit A below...)

OB Pier 12.1.12 photo thanks to my amazing Mom!

...intense waves at times! And in this season ahead, He has equipped me with Himself to get through the waves that will hit me, that will cause me to want to give up, that will challenge me, that will grow my faith, and ultimately, when I get through the waves to the calm of the ocean, I will look back and praise Him for how He got me through. Right now, I'm walking towards the waves, I see them, not quite sure how bad they will hurt, or how I will get through them, but He is with me, He has equipped me, He has proven His constant presence in times past and I will rely on those as I move forward. My Missions testimony is a constant reminder of this journey being about Christ and His timing and I must constantly remind myself of this truth.

This next season is no different and I must remember Galatians 4, this season is about being zealous for Jesus as He moves me to Kenya. I get to do this whole journey with Jesus, no matter how much longer He has me here on this Earth, we are striving together, we are concentrating together on the goal, the party in Heaven, and the best part is He is allowing me to be apart of bringing more people to this fabulous party!

answering the hard questions

Since returning home from North Carolina I have been asked such questions as, “are you glad to be home?”, “have you adjusted?” and “how are you feeling about everything?”


I have to say, the answer to these questions is so deeply rooted, I don’t even know how to answer them. I’m sorry to those who have asked because I probably haven’t answered them how you would have liked. But I do have some answers and I’m going to write them out more for myself as a reflection but hopefully those interested will begin to understand more of what I’m attempting to process.

“Are you glad to be home?”

Yes and no. Yes I’m glad because now I really can begin to connect with people, I can share about this amazing adventure Jesus is taking me on, and I feel like I have the appropriate answers for the random questions to be asked. Yes I’m glad to be home to spend quality time with people I love and get the opportunity to walk with them through these next few months which I know will be faith growing and stretching.

No, I’m sad to be home because I really miss the people I connected with. From the SIM staff to the SIMGo participants, I can’t imagine a better group of people to begin this journey with. I miss the quality time we got to spend together, the fun adventures we went on, the laughter that hurt our stomachs, to the tears we shed together. I also miss the constant focus on Jesus and prayer. When I would share anything, the person on the other end would pray, always. A class never started, a meeting never began without a word of prayer. Most conversations ended with prayer. I also miss the focus on cross cultural work. Coming home, everyone else has a different focus on life. When I was at SIM, everyone’s focus was cross cultural ministry. At home, I have no one to relate to about the different things I experienced, am experiencing and will experience in the future.

“Have you adjusted?”

To the time difference, yes. To everything else, no. My focus, my heart, my every thought is on moving to Kenya. As I was getting ready to board the plane in Charlotte, it hit me, I was now an equipped cross cultural worker. At home, I would be classified as a missionary. My day to day life is no longer just about spending time with people I love and serving Jesus at work. My day to day life is filled with finding time for the to-do’s as I prepare to leave in less than 8 months. As I stepped off the plane in San Diego, I was a completely different person than when I left two weeks before. I haven’t adjusted, and I won’t be adjusting back to the person I was. That’s hard to put into words. I feel like I no longer fit in. The emotions, feelings, and desires are so different than if I was to continue a life at home. My faith will be stretched in ways I cannot even begin to imagine, I will depend on God in ways I will have never thought possible, and I will continue to be molded by God as He makes me more like Him.

“How are you feeling about everything?”

Scared and Excited. God stretched me so much while I was in Charlotte for 2 weeks that I fear how much more stretching needs to be done even before I board a plane to Kenya. There’s a lot of pride that must be stripped away and desires that must be destroyed. I’m scared because I know the support raising process is completely dependent on God and not me. I’m also scared that it might not happen. I would be lying if I said I’m completely confident I’m going to Kenya next July. The human side of me says it’s not possible, why would God want to use me, how in the world is He going to come up with all the resources. But that is a lie from Satan. It is totally possible, it’s Him equipping me with gifts and talents to serve His people, and these resources are His anyway. I am constantly reminding myself that people are not giving to me and my ministry. Financial supporters give their resources to God’s ministry in Kenya. I get to be apart by being sent.

And with that, I’m super excited to see God provide in this amazing way. I’m super excited that He has chosen me to go, to get to experience life in another culture, and to give my life fully to Him in this way. I’m excited to move my life to another part of the world for an extended period of time. I’m excited for the relationships I will make, the lessons that I will teach, and the hearts that will be changed while I am there. I’m excited to share this journey with anyone willing to come alongside and see God work.

I know this is really only the beginning. What lies ahead are hours of communicating with potential partners in ministry and building a support team, more hours on my knees in prayer, and even more hours focusing more on God than on this ministry. I also know that the person I am right now will not be the same person who boards a plane in 8 months to Kenya. Such a great feeling knowing this is completely in my God’s hands and the Holy Spirit is willing to show His power in my life. 

SIMGo: friendships & food

Community. I really feel like that word summarizes all the amazingness that has happened over the past two weeks. If it wasn’t for community, this experience would have been very different. Everything I did involved community, and the connection we now share is one that no one will ever understand outside of the 21 adults and 8 kids that went through this process together. There were many tears, ridiculous amounts of stomach hurting laughter, and relationships that are grounded on the Lord and this journey to cross cultural ministry that we all share together. After today, we go our different directions, but we leave knowing we are all working towards the same goal, to bring the gospel to all nations.
This last week, one of the things we had to do was present to a group of SIM staff as if we were presenting our story to an audience back home. Before the big day, we had several sessions that taught us about the famous “hook” story, what to include, what not to include, and so on. As a group, most were dreading this day (for me because I put my powerpoint together the night before and really wasn’t feeling confident about the specific SIM information I needed to know…I’m such a procrastinator, some things just never change). Wednesday night, in an attempt to break up the time spent in front of our computers preparing our presentations, we piled in a van and took a trip to a delicious frozen yogurt place called Yoforia.

Exhibit A:

 

Inside you would have found Pumpkin Spice Yogurt with crushed graham crackers… aka Pumpkin Pie!

Back to the presentation… so worried, a bit scared, but really unsure of how it was going to go. I heard stories of “for real” presentations not going well, but after watching two fellow participants do theirs and do fine, I figured, I got this. So I confidently got up, began talking, got about half way through and all of the sudden my computer decided it needed to configure updates, 3 of them! I did a double take, looked at my audience, realized I wasn’t going to get my powerpoint back, and I completed my presentation without my pictures, statistics, and beautiful artwork! I managed to successfully finish, on time, and include all the necessary information I needed to. They gave me much grace as they asked questions and I walked away the poster child for what to do when something goes wrong.

Today, after signing our life away, I was so excited to do some experimenting with my new friends who lovingly support my obsession for cinnamon. We have a great kitchen that has allowed us to store breakfast stuff, make delicious apple cider, and of course, a tube of cinnamon rolls… but no ovens. I got desperate about a week ago and really wanted a cinnamon roll. I looked online and found a recipe that realized it was possible, I could cook a cinnamon roll in the microwave. Today was the amazing day we got to try it out! We worked together and figured it out and this is what we devoured:

Recipe: 1 bowl, a bit of butter smeared across the bottom and sides, place a plate over the bowl with the cinnamon inside (of course), and place in microwave for 3 minutes on 30% power… after that, eat and be merry!

SIMGo: My Testimony

This morning, I got to present my missions testimony to the home staff of SIM, the board of governors, and fellow SIMGo participants. It was such a great experience where I got to share my heart about kids and the passion that God is giving me to go to Kenya. I was so encouraged by all the prayers of those here as well as those at home. I have included my testimony below as well as as a link titled, My Testimony on my blog page.

Sharing the love of Christ by partnering with local teachers to educate children in Kenya.

Why Missions?

My journey begins with a short term trip to Romania in 2010. A dear friend asked if I would accompany her on a 10 day trip to bring a little girl back to the states for medical surgeries. While I was there, I experienced what a 3^rd world hospital looks like, I walked the hallways of an orphanage where she lived, and ultimately left with a heart that knew I needed to live out the great commission. It was this trip that God opened my eyes to the fact that He has equipped me with abilities that can make an impact on the lives of children and families around the world.

Why kids?

God has given me this passion for teaching kids about Jesus and allowing them to experience Him in a very real and age appropriate way. This princess from Romania has been a constant reminder to me that I need to continue to pursue world missions and that He is preparing me through her, to relate to kids of a different language and those who did not grow up in the best of circumstances.

Why SIM?

Last summer, after a 6 month period of trying to do my own plans and failing, God led me to my knees and put world missions back on my mind. That night, I began looking at different missions organizations and when I saw SIM’s website I just knew they were who I was going to partner with. I sent in my preliminary application that night and prayed asking God to open the door wide or close it shut. Since then, God has continued to answer that prayer with open doors.

Why Kenya?

When I was at SIMStart in May of 2012, I had everyone praying, helping me discover where God wanted me to go. I had it down to Nigeria & Kenya, both as orphanage worker positions. Right before I went in for my exit interview, I got a text message in a different language. I checked google translator and it was the Swahili word for good luck. 10 weeks after SIMStart, God worked out the details to switch my PRF(job description) from orphanage worker to a created position that was so specific to me, only He could have orchestrated it. 

So with the education I have and the passion and giftings He has given me, I will be going to Kenya, prayerfully next July, to get the opportunity to share the love of Jesus by partnering with local teachers to educate children in Kenya. I will be teaching classes in art, life skills, sports and Bible to primary and secondary age children.