Stretching

If you read my latest post, faith in the face of finances, you know that God is definitely stretching me as I place my faith in Him to provide for His ministry. When I say it like that, I'm reminded that this isn't my ministry, this isn't my plan, it's God's. (He’s reminding me of a lot of characteristics about Himself as you will see)

I'm being stretched by a lot of things at this moment. 

Daily Grind
There just doesn't seem to be enough time in a week anymore. Between work, school, building a support team, homework, eating food(to sustain life), sleeping...the days are flying by! Thankfully, even after I summarize just all there is to do each day, I am reminded of God's presence as I take on each thing. 

God's Presence
Even though sometimes I don't feel it, He is always with me. During my Bible reading this morning, He showed Himself to me.
Here is a trustworthy saying:

If we died with him,
   we will also live with him.
If we endure,
   we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
   he will also disown us;
If we are faithless,
   he will remain faithful,
   for he cannot disown himself. 

–2 Timothy 2:11-13

What a beautiful piece of truth from the Scriptures! Admist the daily grind that has a way of overwhelming me, His spirit supersedes the lies and reminds me of His power in my life.

People's Generosity
God is reminding me that He is my provider through your generosity. Every time my faith seems to slip, I get another email with more gifts. Almost every time I sign into my account there is more support! Why oh why do I doubt??? It reminds me that it is nothing of myself that is going to provide the funding for His ministry, it is Him working in your hearts to generously give. And generous you have been! In the last week my one-time needs have increased from 11% to 30%!!! I have communicated with three families that said they have begun monthly commitments! And that’s only the one’s I know of!

Thank you for your prayers through this support raising process, prayers and the reminder that God is my strength are the only things that are going to get me through these next 6 months!

He's stretching me alright!

faith in the face of finances

Faith. The Greek word for faith is, πείθω, transliterated is pistis, meaning to persuade, [or] be persuaded…persuasion(come to trust) It is God’s warranty that guarantees the fulfillment of the revelation He births within the receptive believer.

For it is by grace you have been saved through faith (through persuasion, through coming to trust); and this not from yourself, it is the gift of God; not by works, so that no one can boast." -Ephesians 2:8-9

The Lord said to Moses, “Tell the Israelites to bring me an offering, You are to receive the offering for me from each man whose heart prompts him to give. –Exodus 25:1-2

Then the whole Israelite community withdrew from Moses’ presence, and everyone who was willing and whose heart moved him came and brought an offering to the Lord for the work…” –Exodus 35:20-21a

The persuasion comes from the Holy Spirit working inside me to remind me of God’s power in my life. And I am so thankful for the Spirit who is helping me stay focused during this incredibly faith-stretching process! As I go through this process of raising up a team of people to be apart of this ministry, I am constantly reminded that it is His job in others’ lives as much as it is in mine to keep us focused on the kingdom. (Ex 35:20-21a) He allows us not to get caught up in budgets or needs but rather people and opportunities. By keeping my faith grounded in His promises, I know He will provide.

And He is! I am so encouraged as I watch God work in the hearts of my family and friends, and people I’ve never met, to join this ministry. However, that’s not to say I don’t struggle. There are moments when my faith slips, when I doubt God’s calling or want to turn and run the other way. It can be very overwhelming when I realize just how much God is entrusting to me.  The last two days have been very hard. Overwhelming, emotional, frustrating, and confusing. I’m sensing God asking me to give up comforts now so that I can focus on this ministry of raising a support team. (Ex 25:1-2) In order to be successful on the field, it is crucial that I have strong relationships with those back home that are supporting me through prayer and finances. And relationships take time.

Tonight, I put my faith in the fact that He knows what I need. I’m seeking him tonight, asking Him to direct my ways, to show me where I must let go and let Him led, and where I must take a step of faith and trust that He will work out the details. Whether it be time, relationships, feelings or finances, I must place my faith back in Him, and not in any of these barriers.

Will you join me in praying for God’s leading in all of this? Specifically that no matter what I’m facing or where He is leading me, I will continually place my faith in Him and Him alone.

By the way, back on May 17, 2012, during my time at SIM for SIMStart, I blogged about faith in the face of fears. How appropriate that I go back to Moses to discover what faith looks like in the face of finances as well.

Year in Review

I cannot believe it's December 31st, 2012! What a year it has been. I feel like a roller coaster describes this last year so well. It has been up and down, a curve here, a dip there, speeding up at times and others I crept slowly to the top waiting, and still waiting.

Over this past year, God has taught me a lot about depending on His will instead of trying to tell Him my own. It has also been 12 months of amazing memories that I will hold on to for a long time. I will forever remember my trip to England and Ireland with Laura in March and specifically the flight back to the states, thinking the next time I fly international will be to the missions field. Last year I reflected on camp with ten girls and our nightly guest of a rat and black widow. This year I reflect on camp and think how God worked in and through the distraction of stomach sickness. (Probably something I will think about in years to come and possible see a lesson God was teaching me)

What exactly has God revealed to me about His will for my life over the past year? Well first, I was in Charlotte, NC for 5 days in May learning about SIM as well as searching for what exactly God wanted to do with my life. I left that training in love with SIM, and even more in love with God. I knew He was going to move mountains after that time, I had no idea at that point just how emotionally and spiritually trying the next few months would be as those particular mountains began to crumble. On July 24th, I received my signed placement agreement with Kenya! I was and still am so excited that God is sending me to Kenya, and He is growing my heart more and more for the people and culture that awaits me in the coming months. Then, the first 2 weeks of November, I returned to Charlotte for specific training on building relationships, orality and the Gospel, dealing with stress, computer encryption, saying goodbyes, child safety and a myraid of other things to prepare for cross cultural ministry. I returned with a passion to share about Kenya and what God is calling me to do. Over the last year He has grown in me a trust with finances, confidence in asking for support, and faith to let Him figure out the details. 

As I think back on this last year, I see segments. Jan through April, hope with no vision. May through July, patience with His plans. August through December, preparation and letting go. One of the most amazing things I can thank God for over this last year happened just over a month ago, peace with being single. Since I was a little girl I have dreamed of a wedding and a houseful of kids. I thank God that He has placed in me a spirit of peace about singleness as I make this move overseas.

As I think forward to the New Year, I see 6 months of continuing to prepare to move and my first 6 months in Africa (so exciting!). As these last 30 days of December have flown by with the help of the holidays, I am a bit timid to ring in the New Year. But it's coming whether I like it or not and more of me is excited than is not.

How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, “Your God reigns!” –Isaiah 52:7

As I move into 2013, I sense that these next 6 months will be like climbing to the top of a mountain. And the goal to get there is July. I get to be beautiful feet on “the mountain” that I see God sending me to. The mountain is not a barrier, it is not something I must go around, as the childhood book goes, but rather I must climb, for my goal is at the top and the footprints as I get there, will be beautiful. And I also know my God will carry me through this time of preparation and into His glorious purpose, for He reigns!

Kenya…here we come!

heart reflection Part 2

Here is the first heart reflection post.

Missions update:
*Training at SIM was a huge success. God prepared me with so much knowledge and encouragement to walk through this support raising time as well as transitioning to the field and working through the culture shock that is bound to happen.

*I have pledged 10% of my monthly support and my one-time needs are coming in.

*I have a couple presentations set up for the New Year where I am so I excited to share my heart and passion about this journey.

*January 7th I begin my final course at the seminary I will take before leaving, Inductive Study… I’m really looking forward to it.

*Inside, I am a complete mess!

Reflection
And this is my(Paul’s) prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of inside, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God. –Philippians 1:9-11

The last time I reflected, there was just over 300 days until my faith departure date. As I sit down to write this reflection, there is just over 200 days. How fast time flies! In the last 100 days, my last Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day have passed that I will celebrate here in the states for awhile. That’s a lot of holidays to process! In between all the celebrations, there have been many more constant realizations of “lasts”.

There have been moments of time where I think moving to Kenya and teaching is not that drastic of a change. Other days, especially after reading books about reality there, it hits me that I will not be as comfortable as I may think. When I say 18 months, in my head, that doesn’t seem like a lot. But every once in awhile it hits me just how long a year and half really is. After Christmas Eve and Christmas day, I had one of those painful reminders, “I’m really going to miss these people!”

Not only am I trying to work through the emotions of lasts, of wanting the most out of each time spent with people, I am also working through trusting God with the finances to get there. Just like the realities coming to life above, this trust is the same. There are times when I can say without a doubt, “I fully trust Jesus to provide the people and finances to make this happen” no emotion at all. And there are other times when people feel the need to add up the total cost and say “wow, that’s a lot of money!” My bible study yesterday morning reminded me that when God asks us to join Him in something, it is God-sized, boy does that feel true!

I have also been wrestling with God in prayer over where I may be teaching when I get there. There are days when I just want to say, “God, don’t tell me, surprise me, just get me there and then tell me.” And then there are other days when I’m begging Him to tell me each and every detail. Lately, I’ve succumb to allowing Him to lead me step my step, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have moments when I want to know more! My friend sent me a song, it’s amazing and has been my prayer for the last few days, here’s the link to the YouTube video. Help me Find it by Sidewalk Prophets

Help me Find it Lyrics

I don’t know where to go from here, it all used to seem so clear, I’m finding I can’t do this on my own. I don’t know where to go from here, as long as I know you are near, I’m done fighting, I’m finally letting go.

I will trust in you, you’ve never failed before. I will trust in you. 

If there’s a road I should walk, help me find it. If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment.

Whatever your will, whatever your will, can you help me find it, can you help me find it?

I’m giving you fear and you give me faith, I’m giving you doubt you give me grace. For every step I’ve never been alone. Even when it hurts you’ll have your way, even in the valley I will say, “with every breath you’ve never let me go."

I lift my empty hands, come fill me up again. Have your way my king, I give my life to you. I lift my eyes again, was blind but now I see, cause you are all I need.

I appreciate your prayers as I continue to journey through this move. It’s without a doubt God’s plan, and I’m (most days) completely willing to go. I’m excited to go, for the change, for the adventure, for the newness, for the moments when I will know without a doubt this is what He has created me to do. But I also know that as the days continue to slip away, I may struggle, I may fail, I may cry, I may want to change my mind, I may want to say no, but that is my human flesh. The Spirit within me is breaking me each day, He is growing me, refining me, strengthening me, so that together we can accomplish great things to His glory.

I’m definitely getting restless to go. I’m not fully ready, God is in the process of building up an amazing support team willing to journey with me. I’m sure these next 200 days will be full of moments where I can do nothing else but surrender to and praise Jesus for what He is doing. As I sit in the quiet, feeling His presence, the stress, overwhelming feelings, the to-do list fade, and I am reminded of Paul’s prayer, that my love for God may abound as I grow in my knowledge of Him as I experience Him daily, and through that I will be able to discern exactly where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do, every day, every moment, until the day of Christ.

favorite Christmas ever...2012

Anyone that knows me knows that my #1 love language is quality time. And I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas, one that was about Jesus and spending quality time with those I love. I don't think I could have planned the last two days any better myself. I'm pretty sure this was my favorite Christmas ever and one I will remember for a long time!

It began at Shadow Mountain for the traditional candlelight service. My church family and I enjoyed singing Christmas carols together, reading the Christmas story from Luke 2 aloud, and of course lighting our candles and singing "this little light of mine". Tears rolled down my eyes as I sang, asking God to carry my candle into the world so that He may be made known to those who have never heard. I enjoyed this special time between God and I, as I got the opportunity to reflect on what exactly He had done for me, come down from Heaven as a baby, live a perfect life, and be willing to die on a cross so that I can one day spend eternity with Him. What a sweet time it was.

After the service, I met my Dad's side of the family at PF Chang's and enjoyed a very nummy dinner together. The fellowship was amazing as we laughed and shared memories of our years together. My brother and I reflected on our time afterwards and he said it best, "everyone legitimately was excited to see each other and spend that time together." After dinner we went back to my Aunt and Uncle's house (my cousin and I took the long way), ate a few sweets, made coffee and sat on the couch and watched old family videos. One was from Christmas when my Grandma was still alive and I was the only grandchild (24 years ago) and another was clips from my dad and Aunt's childhood. We also watched videos from our annual Lake Powell trip, what an amazing time laughing and reflecting on such amazing times together!

Christmas Eve night I spent the night at my parents house (tradition since I moved out) so that we could open presents together as a family and enjoy breakfast together. I enjoyed this special time with just my family as we gave to one another because we wanted to. My favorite gift from my parents was not a present under the tree to open but rather money donated to my support account. I love you both and thank you so much for your love and support! I made monkey bread, a new tradition as of two years ago, and we devoured it pretty quickly. Such a great way to start Christmas day!

The rest of Christmas day was spent over at my Mom's parents house with her side of the family. Because we don't exchange gifts anymore, we decided to spend that time playing games together. It may of been a bit difficult to get everyone seated to play, but once we did, bunco was A LOT of fun! I enjoyed the quality time we had together, making memories that I will forever remember. And the food never disappoints at Grandma's house, no matter who makes it. My dad cooked the turkey and carved it for the 27th year in the a row! The sweet potatoes were by far my favorite!

And now I am enjoying my all-time favorite Christmas movie, Home Alone. It really is the most amazing way to end such a wonderful two days. Knowing that I won't be here next year, I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas. I love my family and I love the memories that we made this Christmas. I feel very loved!

this will be the sign to you

God calling Moses to the mission field has been my go to reading when I am questioning myself at all. A few months ago, one of my best friends read Exodus 3-4 to me, replacing Moses with my name and Egypt with Kenya. I relate a lot to how Moses felt as He received His calling from God to go and rescue the Israelites from Egypt. And these 2 versus spoke clearly as I have been asking God for a sign regarding my ministry in Kenya.

“But Moses said to God, ‘Who am I, that I should go to Pharoah and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?’
And God said, ‘I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.’” –Exodus 3:11-12

From my study bible, sign is defined as “A visible proof or guarantee that what God had promised he would surely fulfill.” A miraculous sign(Ex 4:8) is defined as “A supernatural event or phenomenon designed to demonstrate authority, provide assurance, bear testimony, give warning, or encourage faith.” That led me to Gen 15:8 (from the note from Ex 3:12) where Abram says, “O Sovereign Lord, how can I know…”

Which then led me to think, where can I go to find out the end of all these stories, to get a good idea of how God viewed their faith in these callings. Hebrews 11 of course!

By faith Abraham…was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful… (v11)
By faith Moses…regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ…because he was looking ahead to his reward. (v26)

And then a song came to mind, Step by Step (by Michael W Smith)
I will seek you in the morning, and I will learn to walk in your ways and step by step you lead me, and I will follow you all of my days.

The past couple weeks, I have been seeking God about a possible change in regards to ministry in Kenya. (More details to come) But I have been praying consistently for God to reveal His will to me, that He would speak clearly, that I would be listening and that He would direct me to his perfect will. I have no doubt that God will bless whatever decision is made, but every step so far on this journey has been so evidently clear that I felt He should answer in the same way. But Saturday morning as I opened up my Bible to Exodus 3, verse 12 caught my attention.

this will be the sign to you…that I have sent you…when you have brought the people… you will worship God on this mountain.

this will be, future tense, after the event, you will know by this sign, that I have sent you, because you will worship me. Moses had no guarantee before going to Egypt, he got no sign from God (other than this encounter) that this was what he was suppose to do. And I think it’s kinda comical that God tells Moses that He will get a sign from God, but that sign will be Moses worshipping God on that mountain AFTER Moses completes the task! Did you catch that? the sign, will be Moses himself worshipping God, and He won’t get it til after the mission is accomplished!

Which is where the song comes in, it reminded me that God doesn’t usually give us the big picture, He asks us to walk by faith, step by step, leading us and all He asks is that we will follow.

I couldn’t help but stop and sing that song to God as I felt He was finally answering my prayer. And He didn’t answer it in the way I thought He would(of course!), with flashing road signs saying “THIS WAY!!” but in a sense I did get my answer, just walk, step by step, in faith, follow me where I lead you. I know in a few years, when I look back at this time, I will probably laugh at myself for not seeing God so clearly, but I also know in a few years, I will look back and worship God with a whole new perspective as He is refining me through this process. My life is literally in His hands, I will continue to walk step by step to Kenya, what He chooses to do from there, only He knows.

Jesus,

I am so grateful for you, for the relationship that I have with you that allows me to have access to God the Father. I thank you Holy Spirit for the way you illuminate your Truth so that I can know God better. I thank you God for the plan that you have for my life, the desire to use little me to accomplish plans so much greater than I could ever begin to imagine. I pray Lord God that you would continue to walk me step by step, that you would help me not to walk ahead of you, but that we would stay in stride together, through this life. I am excited for all the amazing ways you will show up, just like you did for Moses so long ago, to show not just myself, but those around me, just how real and active you are. I thank you God for the people you have brought into my life who provide so much encouragement, who you use to speak truth to me, and are desiring to be apart of this journey. To hear the words, “you are our favorite missionary” totally confirms in my heart and that you are working not just in my life, but in so many around me.

Thank you Lord Jesus for the way you are working in people’s hearts to give financially to this ministry. It is so encouraging to talk with people about how You are asking them to give, and being able to answer their questions so that You can be glorified. I pray Lord Jesus that you would continue to move in big ways, that you would continue to confirm your hand on this ministry and move and that every step that is made, I can give you the glory each and every time! I praise you for where I am today, for the team of people who are praying for me, for this ministry, and for the kids and families in Kenya. I praise you because you are God, Holy, Powerful, Sovereign, Almighty, and yet you know me by name, you created me for this purpose and you are personally working in my heart and life to fulfill your great plans. I pray Lord Jesus that you would continue to make known your ways, step by step, and that I would by faith, surrender each day to your plans.

In your mighty name I pray,

Amen

"They won't be expecting that" video

A friend shared this video on her blog and I wanted to share it too! Enjoy, you won't be expecting this! :)