Gracious Uncertainty

Gracious Uncertainty

It has not yet been revealed what we shall be. 
-1 John 3:2

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life- gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. (Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, April 29)

Uncertainty. Not the greatest feeling in the world. But then again, as a Christian I claim to be 'not of this world'. Gracious Uncertainty. I'm suppose to be thankful for not knowing what is up ahead??  I have to admit I have a really hard time with this. I love making lists and then crossing things off when I accomplish them and during the process knowing what I'm going to be doing in an hour. With this challenge, Chambers is asking me to be thankful for not having a list for life. I get no reward in crossing things off a list because there is not list! But even with all the planning I try to come up with, do I ever really know what tomorrow will bring? no. Most times the thoughts I have for the next day usually go somewhat as plan, solely because I usually put together a skeleton of a list. But God wants us to not know. He doesn't want me to plan my days. Because in His Word, He has promised a perfect plan for me. That's why, in the last sentence of this devotion, I found hope.

As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has place closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. Abandonment to God, how funny that I was just giving this advice to a friend and now I am being forced to look into my own life and see if there is something that I need to let go of. I love to fill needs. I love to be available, to say yes, to be able to make things easier for others, even if it puts me out. But in this devotion I am feeling challenged to just be content with the work that God has placed in front of me. I want to be a servant...to Jesus. I want to focus on the task He has placed closest to me and not try to plan what else I can add, what else I can accomplish, what else I can do. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6

A verse that I have been memorizing in a group of thirteen and this one keeps coming back to me. "...and lean not on your own understanding..." Most nights I lay in bed, falling asleep, trying to come up with all the ways that my future could turn out. But God asks us to abandon ourselves to Him, to trust Him with all our heart, and He will reveal to us, He will make our path straight, what our future entails. I need to let go, I must let go, and yet I cling for dear life. What must I let go of? My future, a husband, children, the possibility of the missions field, finances, and comfort. I must lay these dreams down at the Cross, abandon my understanding to the Lord and allow Him to fully create my tomorrows. I say it, but it is so hard inside. I want nothing more than to be married, to live life with someone, someone who looks at me and knows whether something is wrong. Knows when I am frustrated, understands what I am about. I must let it go. If you can't tell I'm having a really hard time with it. For now, I will continue to repeat Proverbs 3:5-6 in hopes that God will align my heart with His will and His timing. 

Dear Jesus,

 You know the desires of my heart. And I believe you also see the way I attempt to plan my future in my poor understanding of pleasure or priorities in this life. Jesus, so much greater is the plans that you have already planned, the one's that you can see from start to finish, and at the same time can see me in my stubbornness at this very moment. Help me Jesus to see what You have for me right in front of me. Help me not to worry about what is 5 steps ahead but rather what the next step should be. Help me to be thankful for what I do not know. Jesus you are good, all the time, you are good. You are on your throne and You are God alone, from before time began. And you are my Strong Tower, shelter over me, beautiful and Mighty, Everlasting King...fortress when I'm weak, your name is true and holy and your face is all I seek. All I seek Jesus is You and who you are.

I am thankful for You in my life. Thank you for the relationship that I have with You that allows me to come to You, to poor out my heart, and have confidence knowing You hear me. I do remember what it was like to not have You in my life. How lost I felt. I am thankful that You took my punishment as You hung on the Cross. . . I am thankful that You conquered death and are alive within my heart. I am thankful for choosing me to be your child. I am thankful for my brothers and sisters in Christ that encourage me to seek You always and in everything. I am thankful for Your love that is abounding, grace that is sufficient, peace that surpasses understanding, power that can move mountains, and truth that sets me free. I am thankful for You. I love you Jesus and seek to make you smile.

I lift these prayers up to You knowing You hear me,

Amen