Upon my checklist of things that I had to accomplish today, no where was God in it. That saddens me. As a friend sent me this quote during the day today, I really started to think about it, is God really everything in my life, is He the most important thing to me, or do I just turn to Him when I need an answer, when I want something, like a spoiled little brat? Unfortunately I'm seeing myself as a spoiled brat, impatient, needy, and throwing a fit when I am not getting my way. If you haven't noticed this post comes a couple days after my last one, because I said, well the next thing that I have now is an answer. I've posted that I'm waiting, how long is that waiting going to take, it can't take that long!
So I admit I'm a little frusturated. I love to know what is to come, I am a definite planner. I sent the email two days ago and checking my phone constantly for a reply. What if it went to her junk folder and it's just sitting there, my hope and dream sits in a junk folder, how can that be? But I had a little conversation with a close friend and mentor who told me a couple different stories about God working out outcomes without the person lifting a single bit of energy. When God wanted that person to do something or fulfill a roll, He did all the work. I guess I want to make sure I'm doing all God wants me to do without going ahead. I must leave it up to God, constantly give it back to Him and tell Him this is not in my control even though I'm hogging it. I will release it back to You and let you work in this life you have given me, for it is your's anyway.
My life, this life, is God in it? My prayer this evening is for a refocus back on the one thing that means the most to me. To have these next few hours of dependency on Him as we conquer the last and final paper of my college career. I know I can only do it with His help because I tried 3 hours ago and fell asleep. :) I must trust Him with the little things AND the big things!
Father God,
How sweet your words are to me, reminding me to set my eyes upon you, to fix my eyes on you as the little children's song goes, fixin my eyes on you, only you. "For I won't turn left and I won't turn right, I will not stray from the path that's right, for I'll keep on seeking, and keep on reaching, follow, follow, follow Jesus Christ. I'm fixin' my eyes on you, I'm fixin' my eyes on you, I'm fixin' my eyes on you, only You!" You see it takes a song written for a little child to get my attention, is that not God? You have me around children all the time because I am a little child. We are all children of God, and as You spoke to the Israelites again and again, You must continue to remind us to seek You out, reach for You before we move.
I need those little reminders of you to keep me on the right path. To not get too far ahead, and to remember that this life is not mine. I must turn to you as my Father for directions at all times, for when I lose you, I fell like a child lost in the grocery store. Strangers surround me, I ask them for help, and they can't, for only my Father knows what is best for me. I need you always with me and that is a promise you have made. I must recongize the presence, seek your advice, and not be a spoiled brat. Show me your presence and let me sit in the beauty of the still. Right where you have me, sitting, I'm fidgeting, your relaxed, telling me You have everything under control. With your calm voice, I relaxed, I melt into your arms and sit. Your presence overwhelms me once again as I realize I am right at home where I belong even though the world rushes past me. I'm imagining sitting on Jesus' lap on the beach, the families and runners racing by, and we just sit and mask in the beauty of the still. The ocean with its repeating breaking waves, the birds coming and going, the sun making its way towards the ocean floor, the moon rising behind us, the cars racing, the people chatting, but we sit there, almost as if we are invisible, and look around, feeling calm.
That calmness has hit me. You have completely relaxed me, given me the joy that you are with me, we are sitting on the beach, and you are going to help me accomplish what is before us. Thank you Father for the visual. And thank you for speaking to my heart and for the Holy Spirit who dwells inside that brings that peace and joy to my spirit. May I mask in the Beauty in the Still.
Father I pray these things in your Son Jesus Christ's name,
Amen
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