As I skimmed the pages of 2 Corinthians, my daily reading that I started, I came across this verse. This verse stands out but not for just any reasons, the reason behind Jesus saying those very words comes after Paul explains that he only desires to boast in the Lord, even though God has given him these visions. I wish I could put into words how vivid the picture I received from Christ was and how He focused on heart, soul, and mind on returning to Romania. If it was just a one time deal I might have brushed over it, and believe me when I first realized what it was I ignored it. But now that things are becoming a bit more clearer, this verse is just one more thing to add to the list of "God's voice" to me. I specifically noticed the verse because it was Jesus talking to Paul, as if He was talking to me. The verse popped out so I decided to go back and read the whole story, which is where I noticed Jesus responding to Paul just after receiving a vision from God.
I can totally relate to Paul at this moment. Paul understands who Jesus is, what He has done, and wants to serve Jesus whole heartedly. But he has had his time in the light, when the visions and revelations were given to him as I received mine, and at this point in Pauls writing, he sits in the darkness as do I. God has given us this beautiful picture of what He has planned for us, and the excitement makes us want to drop everything and go now, but through Paul, I learn the importance of waiting. I learn the growth that takes place as I continually fight Satan on a daily basis, for Paul says, "...there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me" 2 Cor 12:7b. Satan is trying to stop both Paul and I from hearing the voice of God and seeking His direction and guidance. But Paul responds in the same way I pray I do in this time, "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Cor 12:10
I feel so incredible weak. I am trying to spend every possible second I can in God's Word, listening to music, being quiet and really trying to listen to the voice of God. Satan is alive, but my God is so much more powerful that I know I must seek Him even in the most difficult of times, even in the times when I feel deserted and alone, for my God is there and willing to step in and protect me whenever He feels I need it. I rest in knowing that during these struggles, these times of exhaustion, that my God is bigger than this life and that through Him all things are possible.
Jesus,
How much I love you! My life has never been the same since the moment I accepted you as my Savior and I thank you each and every day for the lifechanging role you play in my life. You are everything to me, I depend on you as if you were the ground I walk on. If I fall, I know you will be there to not just catch me, but hold me and console me until I am ready to walk again. I praise you for who you are, for being a God who created the seas and the forests and the sky. For being the God who loves me, even when I screw up. For you forgave me once and for all when you placed your Son Jesus on the cross to take the penalty of my sin that I commit each and every day. My prayer tonight is one of thanksgiving. For not only being the God of creation, but the God of my life, of my heart, and my soul. May your grace continue to be sufficient for I see your power even more as I place the burdens, struggles and questions before you each moment of each day. Father how I long to see You, but until then I am here willing to be used as a disciple to share the Good News you bring to this very dark world.
It is in Your Mighty and Holy name I pray,
Amen
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